Dating can be scary at any time, but it’s arguably more so as you get older.
This may be because you’re unsure of current dating etiquette or dealing with some emotional baggage. While the days of exchanging numbers at a club still exist, more of us are finding love via apps.
There are advantages, says Nia Williams, a relationship coach for Miss Date Doctor*. “Online dating not only helps to expand your social network but can provide a sense of security and safety because these burgeoning relationships are remote.”
But, it also has drawbacks. “Dating online consumes time and effort,” says Nia. And there’s also the risk of being “catfished” (deceived).
But enough people succeed to make it worth a try.
Perfect your profile
Online dating sites and apps are usually easy to navigate but if you’re unsure, enlist the skills of a tech-savvy friend or family member. Then focus on your profile.
“A smart, creative profile stands out – give it the time and attention it deserves,” Nia says.
Consider the following:
- What are you looking for? Companionship, love, marriage? And can you accept a long-distance relationship or stepchildren?
- Don’t undersell yourself. Are you caring, fun and optimistic? If so, make sure you let them know.
- Express your passions. Don’t just say you enjoy swimming or crime novels; write about what makes you feel alive.
- Believe in yourself. You have as much to offer as the next person, so silence your inner critic. Ask a friend to read your profile and check for errors.
Get to grips with online dating jargon.
• Bread-crumbing – This is the act of maintaining someone’s interest with “crumbs” of attention but with no real intention of developing a relationship with them.
• Bots – Fictional profiles that are created to scam or spam. Watch out for photos that are too perfect, a badly written or confusing profile and chat that feels scripted.
• Catfishing – Describes someone who isn’t who they say they are.
• Ghosting – If you’ve connected with someone and they suddenly cut contact and disappear, you’ve probably been ghosted.
• Submarining – When, after you’ve been ghosted, the person reappears with no explanation or apology.
Making contact
You’ve connected with someone online. So what’s next?
Here’s what Nia recommends:
- Introduce yourself. Be sure to respond in good time, be polite and friendly, but don’t go into too much detail yet.
- Keep things casual and be wary of potential partners who offer too much too soon.
- Choose how to communicate. It’s okay to just email or text a potential date until you get to know them better.
- Plan the first call. When you’re ready to talk, arrange a time so you’re not caught unawares.
- Don’t wait too long to meet. See whether there’s a connection in person before you become too invested.
1. Don’t disclose a lot of personal information until you’re better acquainted.
2. Arrange to meet in a public place.
3. Let someone know where, when and who you’re meeting.
4. If your gut tells you that something is off, have an excuse prepared.
5. Don’t linger or go back to their place.
6. Plan ahead how you’ll get home
Meeting in person
Dating is nerve-racking – especially if you’ve been off the market for a while. “Many miss the chance at love because they’re insecure or afraid,” says Chris Pleines, a dating expert from datingscout.com. “Know that love is still love, no matter the age.”
Here’s how to approach it:
- Be confident. “Show your age and wisdom in exciting ways to attract who you want in your life,” says Nia.
- Breathe! You’re likely to have first-date jitters, so take deep breaths. And remember, they’re probably as nervous as you are.
- Don’t tolerate bad behaviour. If potential partners are rude, unreliable or ask for money, say goodbye. You’re worth more than that.
- Be realistic. There may be setbacks along the way, so maintain a sense of humour.
- Include your friends. Not only can they guide and support you, but they can also spot those red flags!
- Step back. Don’t feel bad about taking a breather. If you’re in contact with someone, let them know you’ll be offline so they don’t feel ghosted.
There are a plethora of dating platforms that will help you find your perfect match. Here are a few of our top picks.
Bumble.com is good for connecting at a pace that suits you – on this app, women make the first move.
Tinder.com is good for casual encounters and dipping your feet into the dating pool.
Hinge.co is good for long-term connections, with an algorithm that claims you will go “on your last first date”.
Grindr.com* is an inclusive platform that caters for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex and queer community.
