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Updated 03 April 2018

"My husband of 10 years still can't drive"

SIs Dolly answers some burning questions from our readers.

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Q  

Who should I choose?

I was in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for two years and it was going well until I fell in love with a guy at work. However, my boyfriend made sure we saw each other a lot and even moved closer to me so we could have more time together. I eventually ended the relationship. A few months later I found out the colleague I was seeing is married to the mother of his two kids. They’ve been separated for two years but he says he can’t divorce her because she threatens to take the kids away. He wants to make me his second wife but I don’t feel comfortable with that. Now my ex has made contact and wants us to fix things. I’m confused. 

A  

It’s never advisable to commit yourself to a relationship when you don’t have all the facts about your partner. You were looking through rose-coloured glasses and made a rushed decision and now you might have lost something worthwhile over nothing. If there were issues with your long distance relationship you should have dealt with them instead of going into another relationship. What you need to do now is some serious introspection – think long and hard about who you want to be with, who makes your heart sing and who you can’t imagine your life without. Then decide.     

Q

He has no drive

My 40-year-old husband and I have been together for 10 years. He has been promising he’d learn to drive since we met but there’s always some excuse. This means I have to drive everywhere – even when I was pregnant and after I had the baby. It’s caused problems in our marriage so I spoke to his mother and she said she’d talk to him. That was six months ago and nothing has changed. He lacks motivation and the desire to succeed so now I’m thinking of divorcing him and raising my child alone. Where is his pride? How can someone who can’t drive be the head of a family?

A

There could be a valid reason why your husband isn’t eager to drive. He might have some deep-seated trauma involving a car or driving. You need to get to the bottom of this without criticising him. You also have to decide why you’re thinking about divorcing him. Is the challenge so big and the damage so great you’re prepared to throw ten years down the drain? I think you should try marriage counselling. Call Famsa on 011-975-7106/7 to find an office near you.

 
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