Updated 16 April 2018

‘I always seem to attract obsessive partners with baggage’

Sis Dolly answers some burning questions from our readers.



Drawn to the wrong people

I seem to attract guys with too much baggage who turn out to be obsessive psychos. I don’t know what it is about me, but it usually starts off with me feeling sorry for a guy. The next thing I know, I’m living with him – not because I’m happy but because I feel sorry for him. It’s like I want to show these guys that good people do exist, but then they become my problem. I just want to find a good guy who’s normal. What am I doing wrong?


You seem to have a big heart and unfortunately it’s working against you in your relationships. You mean well, and that should be applauded, but you can’t save the whole world. There comes a time in life when you have to be selfish and look out for number one – you. For you, that time is now. Widen your social circle and engage with different people so you meet a wider variety of men. Then take time to get to know the person and trust your instincts.



The sex is bad

My boyfriend doesn’t satisfy me in bed. He was cheated on a lot in the past and fears I’ll do the same to him so I’ve never complained. I just told him it will take time for him to get to know my body, but I can see he gets tense every time I initiate sex. What can I do?


You’re doing the right thing by assuring your partner that you love him and want to be with him. His actions indicate that he’s probably aware of his shortcomings with regard to lovemaking and any anxiety will indeed make it worse for him. You can lovingly suggest seeing a sex therapist together to explore ways of enhancing your intimacy. Your man might also benefit from going to Men’s Clinic International – call them on 0860-362-867 or 011-523-5100.


I can’t move on

My fiancé and I parted ways last year while I was pregnant. I lost the baby but I feel we never broke things off officially. I’m struggling to move on – I want to but my heart won’t let me because I still love him. How can I overcome this problem?


It seems like you have unfinished business with your ex. The cause of the breakup might be a clue as to why you still feel like you can’t find closure. Perhaps you parted ways because you lost the baby or maybe it was a misunderstanding that could have been sorted out if you’d been more open?

Even if he has moved on, that doesn’t mean you can’t contact him to talk about why the relationship ended. Hopefully that conversation will give you the closure you need so you can get on with your life.  


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