Posted by: | 2018/12/10


Marriage problems

Hi, I’m 28 years old and married for 3 three years. We have a beautiful baby boy who is now 13 months old. From the time baby was born, he has been very sick and we are in the hospital almost every month, he has been for 3 operations thus far and requires extra care. After delivery I was unable to breast feed and till now have not lost all the weight. I am still huge and ugly. I feel like I no longer have time for myself as baby demands most of my attention. My husband is really helpful and assists with baby a lot. Recently, I have been in a lot of moods, I have a lot of anger in me. I am always fighting with my husband, calling him mean names and telling him nasty things. I have also started shouting at baby when he cries. My husband and I are hardly intimate anymore, we just fight most of the time, there are no more holidays and date nights as baby is always sick and we can no longer afford it. Between my husband, my career, my baby and taking care of the household – I feel that I don’t have times for myself. I am always crying and for some time now have been thinking about asking my husband for some space and I can't take it anymore. We fight all the time about money, about the household chores, about responsibility, etc. Our fights have never been vulgar but verbal until Sunday. On Sunday, baby was crying the whole day as he was not well. I just lost it. I shook baby and shouted at him to be quite, which scared him really bad and he started crying more profusely. I then started shouting at my husband for the household chores. I started using vulgar languages on him (which I never did before) and I slapped him twice in his face (which I never did before), in return he slapped me back twice and we went on fighting verbally. I never used to behave like this before and can't look at my husband after what I had done. I’m also a very horrible mother for shouting at my sick baby for nothing. I feel like I need to choose between my son and husband because with everything that’s going, I can’t handle being a wife and mother.

Expert's Reply


Depression expert
- 2018/12/10

I'm sure you aren't "huge and ugly" though I can understand how you might feel that way. What you describe sounds very much indeed as though you have, very understandably, developed a Post Natal Depression (PND).  This i a really common condition even after the smoothest of pregnancies and births, and of course more likely after experiences fraught with stress and problems such as you describe.
PND makes it much more difficult to cope with anything, makes one sad, tearful, and highly irritable ; and, it can so easily make one feel hopeless even in situations you can master.   Fortunately, it respond really well to proper treatment,which may include medication and should definitely also include counselling.
Discuss this with your husband, and arrange, as soon as possible, for you to see preferably a good local psychiatrist, or at least a really good GP, for assessment, advice and treatment. You deserve the best treatment, and this will benefit you, your husband and child.

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