I'm sure you aren't "huge and ugly" though I can understand how you might feel that way. What you describe sounds very much indeed as though you have, very understandably, developed a Post Natal Depression (PND). This i a really common condition even after the smoothest of pregnancies and births, and of course more likely after experiences fraught with stress and problems such as you describe.
PND makes it much more difficult to cope with anything, makes one sad, tearful, and highly irritable ; and, it can so easily make one feel hopeless even in situations you can master. Fortunately, it respond really well to proper treatment,which may include medication and should definitely also include counselling.
Discuss this with your husband, and arrange, as soon as possible, for you to see preferably a good local psychiatrist, or at least a really good GP, for assessment, advice and treatment. You deserve the best treatment, and this will benefit you, your husband and child.
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