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Question
Posted by: just dont know | 2004/11/03

to Kernel

Hi there

thank u 4 responding
yes I have tried, it seems my attempts at a reconciliation were futile.
my parents think I should give it time as some people take longer to come around........ yeah - it has been a few weeks and i still feel hopeless.
so what now?

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Posted by: Mindful | 2004/11/03

Hi Just Don't Know,

Give it time. About 3 years ago the person I thought was my best friend, let me down terribly. We had a huge argument after that, and it came down to her saying to me that I have to realise that she has a life beyond our friendship too. I was so hurt by what she said that I decided to put in as much effort into our friendship as I felt she was putting in - and that was nothing. A year went by and we only spoke if it was necessary. I missed my best friend so much! Then one day I just sent her an sms and asked if we couldn't salvage our friendship and she sms'd back and said she wanted that too, but was too scared of me. I'll admit, things are like they were, but we're friends again, and I know that I can turn to her for anything.
So don't give up on your friend, maybe she just needs time to sort everything out herself first.

Reply to Mindful
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/03

Hi There,

I agree with Kernel here as well. Well said.

You really have done your bit for the moment so try give it some time. Sometimes all it needs is just that. If you feel like there might be more you can do, then I would suggest you write a letter to this friend, trying to be as earnest as you have been in your postings here. You really have nothing lose, & over & above that, you will find comfort in the knowledge that your friend knows exactly how you feel & where you stand. After that, the ball is in their court. Just don't sit back & wait for a response as this person seems to be still hurting, or blaming.

I would suggest that as much as you can, in your letter, if you decide to do that, that you try as hard as you can to refrain from references to YOU or I, as that indirectly gets taken as fingers being pointed.

I really do wish you luck here. Just be patient, but don't put your life on hold waiting for others. If they do not want to forgive, then I feel that you must try move on, knowing that you tried your best to make amends. More than that I don't you'll be able to do.

Sorry to hear your initial attempts weren't positive, but find comfort in the knowledge that you are doing your best. Maybe this person really just needs a bit of space to sort out themselves first.

Hang in there,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/03

Sorry to hear that your attempts to reconcile did not work out.

Your parents are right - you have done your bit, unfortunately you cannot force your friend to reconcile - so give it time and maybe your friend's attitude will change after a while.

In the meantime don't let this issue get you under - get out of the rut and start mixing with new friends and find someone who has the traits you are looking for. See it as a new challenge.

Reply to Kernel

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