Posted by: Wondering | 2008/07/13

Are women turned off by intelligence?


This is a burning question of mine. Just some thoughts while I have a bit of time.

I consider myself observant when it comes to my group of friends... I tend to see things that are happening around me, able to read between the lines etc.

I'm also quite an intelligent guy (I have an honours degree). Yet, when it comes to the women I meet, they tend to favour the more, how should I put it, the guys with a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

I'm not the type to go on about what I do, i'm more reserved in that aspect (in relation to my achievements academically). I tend more to joke around and be clown than be the serious type I am between 9 - 5.

But what bugs me most, is that I have a few friends in my group, they have g/f's ... but they treat these girls so badly, but yet, they keep running back for more.

I have just come out of a relationship (she wasn't the one and well... when looking back, she was a horrible person and didnt deserve me (quoting my friends here).

Anyway, now that i'm keeping an eye out for a special lady, the ones that I meet, I usually meet when i'm around my friends, they always seem to be more interested in the guys that have no real job in life... they work for their father, dropped out of school or whatever, but none of them are professionals (i.e university education).

My problem is, when I get chatting to a girl, you know the usual... what do you do etc... as soon as I mention accountant (it's like im outta here).

Do I need to dumb myself down or what? I have already, people don't really believe that I am an accountant (i'm unassuming).

Is it better for me to be the overall proverbial nice guy, or just be a complete a**hole towards women and treat them like dirt? From what I can see, the latter is the better option... what was the saying, treat em mean, keep em clean.

My other problem, am I being to picky when it comes to women? I have 4 criteria (i'm open to suggestion). They are:

1) Personality - hold a conversation
2) Intelligent - not dumb as pig s**t
3) Dresses decently - a matching wardrobe
4) Remotely decent looking

Seriously, is that like a lot to ask?

Anyway, these are just some random thoughts

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Interesting observations and thoughts, W. Maybe the women who favour the lads who are short of a few sandwiches, either like making sandwiches or don't like picnics.
Interesting point, too, about the degree of prejudice against accountants. I must confess that at parties, finding that admitting to be a doctor or psychiatrist too often led to complex and unwelcome discussions, I found that claiming to be an accountant usually ended tedious conversations.
You seem to see the choice between deliberate allowing yourself to be the Nice Guy you apparently naturally are, or a macho boor, as entirely about attracting women. Wouldn't you find it more pleasant for yourself, to live as a nice guy ? And as genuine rather than phoney ? WOuld the sort of woman who bought your phoney macho act really be someone you'd like to be with ?
Remember that when meeting others, they're usually much more impressed if you seem interested in them, rather than in any particular aspects of your own story. No need to dumb yourself down -- again, people tend to appreciate you more if you seem to respect their intelligence, whatever it may be

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Minnie | 2008/07/21

hey there, Wondering
I also think you are hanging around the wrong crowd, I would be so grateful to find an intelligent man, a man with brains than a hot body...not to mention a Professional. Hang in there you will meet the one you are looking for...

Reply to Minnie
Posted by: Bev | 2008/07/14

Don't change who you are, like all the ladies here I find intelligence VERY ATTRACTING I also think you're hanging out with the wrong crowd but be careful not to talk about your achievements too much especially when you've just met the person rather ask her about herself people like to feel special, I dated an accountant I fell in love with his brains, I think it's got something to do with the kind of person you are some might find it a bit intimidating but I find it insiring maybe because I also have an interest in educating myself I'm 24 going for my second degree and loving it. I'd also rather have an ugly but intelligent man

Reply to Bev
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/07/14

Oh yes Wondering, intelligence is a big turn-on! There is nothing worse than meeting a man who is nice to look at, but who lacks sorely in the intelligence department. I would rather have a dull and dowdy looking man with brains that an Adonis who cannot string two intelligent sentences together! Don't change who and what you are to attract women!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Jenny (aka Nadine) | 2008/07/14

Hello my future, where the hell have you been. You sound like a perfect match for me :-) Very rarely do I come across a man who is intelligent but who can be modest at the same time. A few months ago I met a very intelligent man (who's also a doctor of some sorts) - fantastic guy, great sense of humour, extremely clever but he constantly harps on about how the woman should submit to the man in a relationship. I am of the opinion that he has a chip on his shoulder about woman who can match him intellectually and he doesn't like that. Anyway, where were you before I got married.

Reply to Jenny (aka Nadine)
Posted by: Tango | 2008/07/13

Yes Carol = my daughter as well - she is Creative Head at an Ad agency - the guys disappear when confronted with her interlectual ability and travel experience. And there is nothing wrong with her looks !

Reply to Tango
Posted by: KZN | 2008/07/13

Dude clearly you are hanging with the wrong crowd.

I find intelligence incredibly sexy and when my man gets into intelligence mode I feel happy and secure.

You'll find your girl. Don't drop your standards, drop the dim chicks you hang around with. Time to move on & up.

Reply to KZN
Posted by: Carol | 2008/07/13

My daughter funnily enough has the same problem as far as guys are concerned .. she is a qualified journalist and globe trotter , has a senior position at an international news agency .. and as soon as she mentions it the guys scarper ..... she was telling me the other day .. she would give anything to meet a guy that she can have a decent conversation with.

Reply to Carol
Posted by: Maria | 2008/07/13

Yup, intelligence gets my vote too, as long as it is interesting intelligence. The kind of woman you would want to have a long term relationship with, is not the kind who will come back for abuse from an idiot time and again. Keep looking!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: jcat | 2008/07/13

Agreed! My man is absolutely gorgeous to look at, but I didn't fall in love with him until I realised how intelligent he is too!

Reply to jcat
Posted by: Lin | 2008/07/13

Im married to an accountant. I actually fell in love with his brains - hehe. He's a sexy person, but I noticed his brains before hs beauty.
My hubby's down to earth and I'm very happy with him.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I never went for inteligence deprived men (lol).

Reply to Lin
Posted by: Tango | 2008/07/13

Agree 100% with Hope* - I need an intelligent man way over looks any day - intelligence IS attractive. Wonder what age group you are in? I am 54 and let me tell you - I go for intelligent any day!

Reply to Tango
Posted by: Hope* | 2008/07/13

I for one find an intelligent man completely and utterly attractive regardless of looks etc.

Reply to Hope*

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