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Question
Posted by: NK | 2018/12/10

Married men

I seem to be attracting married men and I wonder why and how. They tell me they feel comfortable and easy talking to me. It is clearly just a sexual thing, in a way I am flattered but in a way feel like I am not good enough. I have fallen head over heels for a married man and it is very hard for me to deal with as I live in hope that it will go somewhere but at the back of my mind the doubt is constantly there. It is stressful and hurts.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/12/10

Hello NK,
Maybe the way you're looking at this isn't the most helpful way.  Wonder why you are so interested in married men : don't you have the confidence to find a man for yourself ? They're approaching you because you are obviously showing interest in them,  because you respond warmly to their approaches.  You say "It is clearly just a sexual thing."  You could, very easily indeed,  politely turn them away. But apparently you don't.  Why might this be ? 
You apparently know that they are married men, so you could simply tell them politely, that you don't spend your time with married men: why don't you ?
It's very noticeable that nowhere do you mention any concern for their wives.  Why not ? Don't take seriously any excuses made by a married man looking who wants to cheat on his wife. Those are tactics to get what he wants from you, not truth.  
Why don't you worry about the women these men are cheating on ? Why are they spending time with you, and not with their wives and children ?
Maybe part of the problem is when you speak of feeling that you are not good enough.  Maybe you seek their attention because it makes you feel better about yourself, to feel that you can take some other woman's man ?
Then you say youve now fallen in love with a married man,  and hope this cheating affair "will go somewhere", but, Oh, poor you, you are stressed by doubt.   Especially if he is getting the ex he wants from you, why on earth would he want this affair to go anywhere else ?   As you have absolute proof that he is happy to cheat on his wife, what makes you feel so sure he won't cheat on you ?  Or that he isn't already cheating on you ? 
What do you want from me ?  To help you with the affair ? To help you find ways to make it go further ? To help you feel good about it ?   I cant do that.  Maybe see a counsellor to help you find the confidence to find a man of you own, rather than pinching a second-hand man from some other unfortunate woman ?

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