Our expert says:
Hello again, Me Again !
I've just received your message.
I'm so sorry to hear that despite sensibly embarking on CBT and beginning to free yourself from the burden of this monumentally selfish man ; you then invited him back in, to live free with you and suck the joy from your life. When he threatens to leave, rush to accept his offer, and ask him when he will be leaving. In all your communications over the years you have never been able to describe convincingly anything good that he has ever contributed to your life.
I hope with the CBT you have stopped blaming yourself for what he does, and start looking after your own needs, not his. It is NOT your fault that he is leaving. To some extent it's your fault that he came back, not out of love for you, but to meet his own needs. Who wouldn't want to live rent-free with a warm and caring woman in Cape Town ? Don't waste a moment longer hanging onto him, blaming yourself, and wasting money, energy and caring on someone who has never deserved you, and seemingly never will.
Offer to help him pack and move out ; tell him you find it awful to think of him having to bear your dreadful snoring any more, and as you yourself can't move out, it's very clear he needs to.
And remember : he didn't come back from the UK out of profound love for you : you'd have noticed that ; presumably he returned because whatever grand plane he had made, he achieved nothing at all in the UK, including failing to find anyone a nice as you and as gullible as you, despite using dating apps and probably other ways of hunting for another victim for his selfishness. None of that is any of your responsibility : let him go. It'd be tempting to hire a small brass band to play outside in celebration when he leaves, but that'd probably be overdoing it a bit, and too expensive, and hard to arrange during these Times of the Virus.
Set yourself free : and remain free. Once he leaves, do not allow him back in again. Maybe check with a lawyer about whether you can get a restraining order from a court, banning him from contacting you in any way from here on. Concentrate purely on your own happiness and your own life, and for that you don't need a resident emotional vampire.
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