Posted by: | 2020/07/22

Should I tell her?

Hi CS, A very, very good friend of mine told me that my brother in law called her on her cell phone. He stated that he had a dream about her and wanted to know how she was doing (they don't really know each other, are not friends and have no reason to speak - alarm bells are going off!). She says that she immediately asked him where he got her number and if his wife knew that he was calling her? My friend says that she was very curt and ended the call quickly. She then told me about it. Do I tell my sister? Do I not get involved and let my friend decide what she is going to do? I just feel so bad knowing something and not telling my sister, it feels as if I am betraying her. Help!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2020/07/24

You and your friend seem to have leapt to the conclusion that this call was wholly sinister. Of course this may indeed be so, but not necessarily.  There are people who occasionally dream of someone else, even someone they hardly know, and who worry that this means something bad may have happened to the person, and they may call to check if they are all right.
   There is indeed the question of how he got her number and whether he had mentioned this planned call to his wife.  You say your friend asked him this, but you don't mention how he replied to the questions. If he had mentioned this to his wife, she might have given him the number, if she had it. 
You ask whether you should tell your sister.  If the event actually bothered your friend, why did she not call your sister and discuss it ? Why should you have become involved ?
You're hardly betraying your sister, as you know only a vague suspicious Something, so you probably don;t have a firm duty to tell her.  But why does your friend not want to chat about it to your sister ?  Why not suggest to the friend that she do just this ?  If you take it upon yourself to carry the news to your sister, she might have follow-up questions which you would not be able to answer, as you were not involved in the original incident.
Of course, should your sister then choose to call you and discuss it with you, that's fine.  Your sister surely knows her husband well, and knows whether he does this sort of thing, or if she already has other reasons to be suspicious of him.

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