Posted by: Coenraad | 2019/08/15

Problems with husband

Good day Dr we have a problem with my husband, he becomes angry easily and believes that my sister and my family are a problem in our relationship. My sister asked that i pass by her place to fetch my nephew to go with to church hence she was out of town. My husband was furious that he told me the way my sister distracts us and he believes that they are disrespecting him. Funny her house is on the way it was not like he must go out of his way. My family has been my pillar of strength (supporting us financially) as my husband is not working, He started with all my family members i am telling you for an hour shouting at me, asking questions. As I was sitting in the car and busy shouting at me, I felt like i am seeing things as he continued all the insults. He is emotionally abusing me in fact he once beaten me twice. He is very forceful and you cannot even have a decent conversation excepts pointing fingers at me. He is not working now so I am the bread winnner but he disrepects me like nobody's business. I even feel like he is with me only for convenience. This behaviour has been going on for years, we have 13 years together but the behaviour is not changing. I am travelling at work and guess what: "according to him I am sleeping with my colleague" how can he think so low of me. He start by asking questions and then the problem will start that I am a liar, he does not believe anything I am telling him and he can't spend the rest of the life with me because i am getting an approval at home. we never fetched my nephew then, but the hurtful things that he said to me I really can't take it. It was on Saturday, then Sunday i did not go to church. I feel like I am in prison. All my friends are wrong for me and my family. He wants me to be on the island with him so that he can continue this abusive behaviour with no one to talk to. We once went to a Clinical Psychologist and he never finished the therapy because they wanted to admit him. we went to a qualified counceller who is also a Pastor. nothing changed Please help!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/08/16

Hello Coenraad,
This must be very unpleasant for you.  It sounds indeed as though your husband is acting abusively, and with jealousy.  You don't mention how long he has been without work, or why, but it sounds as though he is angry that he finds himself being dependent on you and your earnings, and on the financial support of your family.  You don't mention whether he has any family of his own, but apparently they don't play a helpful role.
It sounds as though he has psychological and personality problems, which could probably be helped by skilled counselling, but ONLY if he accepts that he has problems and truly wishes to work them out and accept help. 
His behaviour towards you, as you describe it, is unacceptable and inexcusable.  So maybe you need to see a counsellor for yourself, to help you examine the alternatives available to you, and to make the best decision for your own needs and safety.

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