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Question
Posted by: GS | 2018/11/13

Please advise

Hi In 2015, my son was diagnosed with ADHD & non-verbal learning difficulty. The Educational Psychologists said to put him in a specialized school. I took him to a Psychiatrist, he was admitted for 10 days at the hospital and they conducted various tests etc. and they confirmed ADHD and he has some limitations. Psychiatrists said to leave him at the present school as it will affect his self-esteem moving him at that age. Son is now in Matric. He managed to pass every year. However the Counselling Psy. said that his marks will always be 50 and less. Since Primary School he dodged homework and studying only happened about a week before exams. High school same thing, his marks were between the 30 - 50. This year however he focused on homework and assignments. Started studying from middle July for his final exams. June exams he got certificate pass, for prelims in Oct he obtained Diploma pass. All this time he was not sure what to do next yr. However on Friday he decided to go to a local College and do a career assessment and in 3 categories he got over 80's. So he decided he wants to go and study Human Resources. Its will cost 30K per yr x 3years. I dreaded asking this question to the psychiatrist, Educational & Counselling Psychologist, and Im dreading even asking you. Taking his non verbal leaning difficulty into consideration will my son be able to pursue a career and eventually work in a corporate environment or will he be regarded as a slow child or leaner and not be able to live a normal life. Coz with his limitations, I was told he does not see the bigger picture. I feel I constantly need to tell him things coz of this disability, and he gets frustrated and tells me I keep treating him like a child. My worry is also, will he be able to cope with furthering his studies. Its going to be lots of pressure to obtain at least 50% and above. He is also pressurizing to go for his learners and drivers licence, will he ever be able to drive. Sorry for long post. Any advice will be much appreciated. Also note he has been on concerta 18mg during the past 3 years. Regards GS

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/11/13

Hello GS,
At least don't dread asking me ! I'm not sure whether this particular Educational Psychologist who seems to have such a gloomy viewpoint : maybe a second opinion and a fresh viewpoint could help.  He may have less limitations than it previously seemed,  You seem to be describing a boy who may have some difficulties in learning, but can perform better when he really tries,  I wonder why he put in the extra effort this time, and showed how much better he can perform when he really tries.  It's easy for a child to get discouraged and even to give up trying, when he feels he's being treated as a child, and that everybody expects him to fail.
It's touching and relevant that he even thinks of a career in Human Resources.
It sounds as though he may have discovered that he is more capable than people thought.
Talk with him about  how proud you are at what he has managed to achieve this year, and talk about how he managed this : about what further training would cost and how the pressure to succeed would increase. Foes he feel he could face that ?
Moving from school to college / uni, many bright children are shocked to find that there's no spoon-feeding, and that they're left very much to themselves to plan their studies, so they need to be far more self-motivating.  On the other hand, more independent minded students can thrive with this approach.
OK, it's not useful to have unrealistically high expectations of a child, but it can be even wore to have unrealistically low expectations. And good research has shown that where a teacher and family think a child is "limited" even very able kids do much worse.  Positive thinking, so long a it's realistic and not deluded, can be very helpful.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2018/11/14

You need to let go, be more possitive. Being negative and constantly thinking he might fail is negative energy. He sounds like he has a lot to give, if allowed to dig a little deeper. Believe in hi, allow him to grow. You might be surprised.

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