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Question
Posted by: Martha Campbell | 2020/04/25

Husband prefers masturbation over sex with

Hello. My name is Lucy I am a newly wife, just been married for four months. My husband and I had a distance relashionship for two and a half years, when ever he came to visit me in my country we would have great sex, the last 6 months before marrying he was not very interested in it. We got married and we had an argument about this, he said he had cheated on me, that has been very hard on me. He said he loved me and wouldn't do it again, every night he masturbates in bed, and he doesn't care if I see that. It's very uncomfortable. I am getting worried. The other day he said, that he didn't feel any sexual appetite anymore, he is hurting me so much. I don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes, I just think of leaving out sex out of our marriage it's the best thing to do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSex expert
- 2020/07/12

Martha, I apologize for taking so long to answer you. I hoped to do a podcast on this for you before answering on the forum. 


I would also be concerned. It sounds like your husband finds it difficult to have sex with you in a committed relationship? Perhaps the domesticity of living together bores him? 

When he masturbates, does he connect with you at all? Look at you or touch you? Can you ask him about masturbating, explore it with him? Or do it for him?

Do you wish to remain married to this man, considering it could be a sexless marriage? Or would you (and he) consider seeing a sex therapist/marriage counsellor for a few sessions? I think it is very important to be able to discuss what is going on, and why your sex life has changed.

You can always e-mail me on despina@drlearmonth.com for an appointment. 

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