Our expert says:
It's always troubling when what has been a loving relationship becomes difficult and causes distress to both partners. From your description, it really does sound as though marriage counselling would be an excellent idea, with a good chance of helping both of you to sort out these issues, and to benefit both of you, and, very importantly, your child.
It's always sad when I hear of someone who "doesn't believe in counselling", or therapy, or drugs, because they are saying that they don't care about facts, or science, or whether what's suggested would actually be helpful. It's like a political prejudice, like someone saying they refuse to believe anything said by someone of the wrong political party. It's saying " I've made up my mind, don't bother me with the truth".
And yet, it sounds as though she DOES believe that separation / "a break" somehow IS likely to be helpful, though there's really no good evidence for that. This tactic is like saying :"I have this terrible pain in my chest : I don't believe in doctors, but I'm sure it'll get better if I go away on holiday." Life doesn't work like that : problems ignored only get worse, not better.
Is there someone else she might listen to, like parents or sibs ? Would she be prepared to agree provisionally : to sincerely take part for say 6 months, really trying to let it work, and see if things improve ? Have you told her clearly how you feel ? Not challenging her own point of view, but explaining your own : how much you love her and the child ; how much it distresses you that somehow the pair of you are not communicating effectively, though once you did ; how you'd like to learn to control your anger better, to listen better to her opinions, and to handle it better when her comments make you feel hurt and unsure of how to defend your own viewpoint without upsetting her ?
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