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Question
Posted by: | 2018/09/26

Husband has issues

Hi CS, my husband was recently arrested on charges of child pornography. Naturally this has destroyed me. Over several years he specifically went looking to download the images and videos and they have found over 10 000 of them. Due to the nature of the charges and the fact that we have a young son I have not allowed him to come home while child welfare is involved. I am also dealing with major issues and doubt about our entire relationship and the lies that he told me the whole time we've been together. He at first said that he did not enjoy looking at the images and is not sexually attracted to children and that his downloading was "morbid curiosity". Then he changed to say it was an addiction to downloading the images. And now he says that its because he wanted to protect the children in them. I find all of these really hard to believe based on the evidence and the fact that he kept thousands over almost a decade (as far as I can tell). Is there any way that any of his excuses could be true? All trust in this marriage is lost and he has no interest in even attempting to get it back. But I would like to know whether or not my son would be safe with him at some stage in the future or if I really do have to worry about my son's safety.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2018/09/26

Hi.  Indeed, none of those excuses sound compellingly convincing, do they ? It's interesting that you say he seems to have no interest in working on the impact of all this on the marriage : often someone in his position wants to have a wife at his side when this goes to trial.  In the meantime they might insist on only supervised visits between them.
Your concern makes good sense, but nobody at this distance can properly assess whether your son is safe.  Often people into pornography of all sorts are interested in looking rather than doing, but some are indeed active and could be a risk even to their own children.  Presumably Child Welfare is assessing him, and may be better able to advise you on this, if he is being cooperative.

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