Posted by: Cheating wife | 2018/10/01

Cheating wife

I have cheated on my husband 3 times. This last time I don't know why I did it. I really don't know why I did it. But please help me, he asked me to come with things I can do to try and show him that I really want to be with him? The problem is I lie so much I'm in a tangle of lies and I can't get out of it. My husband doesn't want to go to counselling with me and I am screwed. Please help me! He has an appointment with a lawyer today and I am freaking out.

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Our expert says:
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- 2018/10/02

You really have no idea why you did it ? You were unconscious at the time, perhaps ?  Do you know why you did it the other two times, but this time just puzzles you ?
Why did you feel any need to prove to this other guy that you really anted to be with him ? There are a great many ways in which any sincere wife, especially if she was not eager to have an affair, could respond to such a foolish instruction. You were not compelled, at gunpoint, to obey, surely ?
Maybe you needn't answer that, as you say you lie so much.  Have you noticed the problems with lying ? You need an awfully good memory, to remember which lies you told, and you can't UN-lie.  You can't say to anybody : OK, yesterday I lied to you about something very important to you, but today you can really believe me."  It doesn't work.
So now, understandably, having somehow forgiven you twice, this time he's consulting a lawyer ?  That makes sense.  Did you think he'd just ignore this, again ? Was that really likely ?
Have the pair of you worked with a marriage counsellor before ?  Why not ?  If it didn't work before, and you went out and did it again and again, why would he want to try again ?  Now, you say you're screwed.  Does this make it 4 times ?
In what way do you think we could help you ?  If he is consulting a lawyer, maybe it'd be a good idea for you to consult one too ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/10/02

I am so sorry for you. I don't know what to say to you, other than you need to go and see a counsellor and work on yourself to figure out why you do such self destructive things. I can so relate to what you are saying. Been there myself. You MUST make every effort to sort yourself out and get to the root of your issues. There is nothing that you can say or do at this point in time that is going to convince him you want to be with him. He is hurt and angry and people don't think straight when they experience these emotions. This is going to sound crazy, but the best thing you can do, is the opposite of what he is expecting you to do. My advice to you is this. Let him go to a lawyer. He needs to deal with things as well. Don't beg him to stay etc. Every time you have a conversation, admit that you are wrong and that you deserve whatever happens because you are at fault and you will live with and accept whatever he decides. Then be dignified and graceful. This is the opposite of what he expects. He is expecting you to cry beg and scream for him not to leave. Don't do this. Let him do what he has to do to process his own hurt, pain and anger. In time, even if you do get divorced in the interim, as you start changing for the better with therapy, he will see the change. Best of luck to you.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/10/01

I think you should end it, you were not rape but had consensual sex 3 times with other men meaning you knew exactly what you were doing. I think its time you take responsibility for your actions and stop hiding behind the old excuse of a lapse in judgment. think of it like this 3 times you never cared about how your partner would feel, so if you can easily forget you should easily move on. PLEASE consider your partners' emotions as well, like don't make empty promises eg. don't promise you'll change because it hasn't happened. Kindly take your freedom and experience your confusion by your self without involving another person. That is bad

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2018/10/01

Stop being selfish and let him go. Sorry but he deserves better.

Reply to Anonymous

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