Posted by: Sophia | 2019/09/16

Can this be a problem in my marriage

Me and my husband are going through a rough time. He is very friendly with other woman, and this has been going on for many years. He will blow kisses to woman working with me (in front of me) and hug them etc. He will even do that to our old neighbours wife and daugthers when we see them in the mall? So I don't want to think what he will do when I am not by his side? Is this something I must worry about? Because it is feeling as if It is killling me softly from inside, in such a way that I don't want anything to do with him? He is not a person who will talk about stuff like this, when I ask him about it, he just says he is a friendly and loving person and I must not try to change him? Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2019/09/17

Hello Sophia,
It would be very interesting to hear what other readers think about the situation you describe.  It sounds as though you may be misinterpreting his basic personality and style of relating to other people.  You say that what you describe has been going on for years : a touchy-feely guy who hugs more than most folk do.  Is he, perhaps, also very pally with male friends ? That he does it in front of you suggests he doesn't feel there's anything wrong with it, and doesn't expect you to be upset about it either.   If he was actually plotting or carrying out grubby affairs with these other people, surely he'd try hard NOT to do such things in front of you, or to give you such reasons to be suspicious ?   Have you heard rumours from other people suggesting he ever does anything improper with others ?
When you say it's "killing you softly inside" and making you dislike him, I wonder about why you feel so strongly about what is, actually public and not-hidden behaviour nobody else seems to find distasteful.
Are there, perhaps, other aspects of your relationship that are not going well, and which might be worth exploring and fixing ? 
Has he changed drastically. from previously being a solemn and solitary guy, into this jolly, friendly fellow ?  If so, when did this happen, and what else was going on at the time ?
Does this happen only at certain times, when he's over-active in other ways,  while between these periods, he might be quiet and sad ? Someone with Bipolar Disorder may sometimes behave as you describe. 
Was he really nothing like this when you first met him and married him ?  Or maybe he hasn't changed much, but perhaps you have changed, more fearful or suspicious about what it may mean, less secure about what might happen in general ? 
It might help for you to see a counsellor to explore and understand your own reactions, and perhaps eventually invite him to join you in some sessions, to find ways to be more comfortable and confident together ?

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