Depression

Question
Posted by: K | 2017/11/16

Q.

Am I depressed?

Hi Doc... I have been feeling down lately, everything is getting to me.. work, colleagues, husband... There is a guy at work that keeps making me feel like Im inferior like im unable to do my job. When he phones me he will swear at me accuse me of doing things I never do. I did take it up with my Boss once and I was told that I must understand that he is under pressure. Then in July we were almost hijacked, I was pregnant that time but did not know as it was in the early stages, the traumatising experience made me paranoid and anxious, not long after that I lost the baby (first pregnancy) that has been really hard, inlaws saying things to make it seem like the miscarriage was my fault was even worse. I am heartsore I know it was out of my hands but how do I deal with this? Every morning I leave early as my hubby for work, I come home cook, clean, by the time im done Im exhausted. He will just sit on the couch watch tv, surf the net, when I ask him to help me with the dishes he tells me no. Then he tells me I just go to bed I don't watch tv with him, nor do I make an effort to be intimate, I just say im tired all the time. BUT I really am tired, I also work the whole day, my second shift starts when I come home. I don't know anymore, im just so down. I don't want to fall into depression. I know a lot has happened but I don't know how to deal with it. I know if I confront him about it its just going to end up in a fight and I don't have the energy for that. Please advise...

Expert's Reply

A.

Depression expert
- 2017/11/17

Hello K,
Maybe. Only a proper assessment by a psychiatrist or a really good GP could clarify whether you may have developed a Depression, or whether maybe you are depressed about a depressing set of circumstances, which isn't quite the same thing.
Your boss's response is disappointing : it doesn't matter at all whether this other man at work is currently stressed or not, he is not entitled to abuse you and infect you with his stress,  but must find other ways to deal with it.
It's hard to see how the miscarriage would have been your fault, especially after the trauma of a hijacking.  Your husband, as you describe him, is also being pathetically unsupportive and unhelpful, and obviously should share the chores with you and attend to your feeling and concerns.
Too many foolish people encourage others to CONFRONT people with whom they have problems : you're right that this is usually seen as aggressive and can easily make things worse.  That doesn't mean to ignore the problems, but to be assertive, not aggressive : to calmly but firmly raise the issues and ask hi to join you in finding solutions that would be good for both of you.  If you can arrange it, it would be useful for you to see a counsellor to help you work out in more detail how best to deal with these problems and they could help clarify if you might already have depression : if so, using a CBT approach, they could help you to gain control of the depression, even without medication.

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