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Question
Posted by: Chloe | 2017/11/20

When is divorce an option?

I have fallen out of love with my husband. We’ve been married 20 years; we were both very young. We did not get married due to pregnancy or anything like that. It was just the next thing to do. We have two teenagers, who are really great kids. Everything in our relationship seems to be working – from outsiders’ point. I just don’t love him. There are so many small things, that he does, that I all of a sudden I find disturbing which makes me cringe and loathe him when I think about it. For example, I will be in the kitchen getting dinner ready, then he will give me a hug, and grope my breast. When we sleep, he will tuck his hands under my shirt and grope me. I feel like he has no respect for me and my body. I don’t even know when the last time was that I had a bath alone, he will sit with me and watch me. He is constantly in my space. I want a divorce. But I am extremely worried about the effect it will have on our kids.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2017/11/20

Hi Chloe,
Hmm. Some thoughts. You seem to be saying that the pair of you were young and immature when you married,  but you seem to have been reasonably happily married for some 20 years.  But then you say "all of a sudden" things he does, apparently sexual responses to you, disturb you. Something has changed, fairly recently, according to your description.  What might this be ? What else has changed ? Have you had other unpleasant experiences, or reasons to suspect him of being unfaithful, or maybe a developing depression, which often has the effect of reducing your interest in sex ? 
When you say you "fell out of love"  :   were you ever very definitely in love ?
Has his behaviours changed markedly, or is it your reaction to his usual behaviours, that has changed ? 
You say nothing about his point of view. Have you discussed these concerns with him ?  Is he aware of how you feel ? 
You're right to have some concern about the potential impact of a divorce on your teenage children, though an unhappy and hostile marriage can also have a negative impact.  Why is it that you don't mention any attempt by you and your husband to work with proper expert advice, couples counselling, to see whether the issues troubling you an be solved ?

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