Updated 11 March 2014

Ooh baby spank me

Even though most people won't admit it, S&M has a dark appeal, especially since the runaway bestseller Fifty Shades Of Grey.

Is the missionary position as boring as religious fieldwork in South Sudan, and is the bump and grind of the doggy-style too much for your forehead? Then perhaps it’s time to indulge your sexual fantasies with a little whips and chains.

S&M (sadomasochism) is a sexual fetish that’s always received, for lack of a better term, quite a whipping from puritans. That is until the erotic international bestselling novel, Fifty Shades of Grey, rattled people’s chains, and sexual fantasies.

According to erotic novelist Ruth Ramsden, who has spent years on the fetish scene, “The first and most important aspect of any form of bondage, domination, sadism, masochism or otherwise, is communication with your partner.”

Here’s our guide to help you get started:

  • Plan it – decide who the dominant partner is and who’s the submissive one, or take turns.
  • Visit a sex shop – ask to see what fetish items they have in stock (padded handcuffs, whips, ticklers).
  • Set the scene – light candles, play mood music and light some incense.
  • Dress the part – introduce leather or latex underwear, or wear garters and heels.
  • Create safe words – use a traffic light system: green for OK, amber for wait, red for stop, NOW!
  • Start slow – use the feathered tickler to get started and then introduce the cuffs.
  • Use a blindfold – this will heighten your sense of touch.
  • Surrender control – give him permission to use your sex toy on you while you’re cuffed and blind. 
  • Take a bite – a soft nipple nibble, gentle hair pulling and a well-timed spank is hot.
  • Talk dirty – the dominant partner should use words to tease and titillate.
  • Timing is everything – try to come at the same time. This will seal your experience and enjoyment.

REMEMBER: Trust is the ability to give up control to someone else and know that they have your best interest at heart. S&M is a great way to test the trust that most partners already have in each other, while catapulting your sexual fantasies to the next level.

(Picture: woman wearing mask from Shutterstock)



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