So Joost van der Westhuizen says the reason he knows the guy in the video isn’t him, is because his very private tattoo isn’t showing up on the video (fair enough), and because the guy in the video has a much bigger penis.
Ag no man, Joost. Why in the name of all that is sacred, would you ever admit to that? You could have told us the guy in the video had a much smaller penis, and we would never have known the difference.
At least it tells us you’re a real man, one who knows that the quality of your sexual performance isn’t connected to the size of your sexual organ. Unlike some of the respondents to Health24’s 2009 Great South African Sex Survey, who blamed a whole bunch of unrelated issues on the size of their organs.
For some, size is everything
‘At the moment I don’t enjoy it and my penis is small. My partner is complaining, and that causes me to lose my confidence,’ complains one. ‘How can I grow the girth of my penis bigger naturally, and how can I solve the problem of premature ejaculation?’ asks another. No connection, brother.
As it happens, Health24 has a useful graphic demonstrating that SA men stack up quite well by world standards: we appear to be second only to Frenchmen in terms of how well-sized we are – a whopping 15,9cm on average, compared to Korea’s average 9,6cm.
Even little ones are good, though, assuming they're wielded well. What does affect performance in the sack is our love for a couple of drinks at every opportunity. The sex survey found that some 38% of regular drinkers - those who have a drink or two every day – suffer from erectile dysfunction (ED) compared to only 23% of teetotallers. Drinking also appears to be linked to premature ejaculation (PE). Only 19% of teetotallers report PE compared to 25% of regular drinkers.
No difference in the proportion of men reporting ED is observed between teetotallers and those who say they have a drink “now and then”, and the lowest incidence of PE is observed amongst those who say they have a drink “now and then”. So it's the regularity of drinking which may be the issue. Once again we're slightly bored to report that moderation is best.
More about the survey
The Great South African Sex Survey ran online for five weeks over the 2008/9 holiday period and was completed by a total of 11 181 people. The responses were weighted by Hlakanaphila Analytics, using the latest variables from Statistics SA’s General Household Survey, so the survey reflects the habits and attitudes of 2,6 million urban metro adults, aged 20 years and older, who earn at least R2 500 a month.
Amongst other findings, the sex survey discovered that non-contact sex is unexpectedly popular:
- We’re getting into the idea of cybersex, with 23% of women and 25% of men getting frisky online. And it’s not the kids either: those most likely to have gone live on air are men aged between 55 and 59 (35%).
- Turning to older technology, phones are pretty popular with 50% of men and 46% of women having engaged in phone sex. In this case, it is the young men who lead the way, with 61% of those aged 25 to 29 doing it most. But wait – amongst women, it’s the older women (aged 60 to 64) who’re heavy-breathing most down the phone (56% of them).
‘Are the 60-64 women having phone sex with 20-29 men,’ asks Jean Redpath of Hlakanaphila Analytics, ‘given that only 12% of men their age have phone sex?’
(Heather Parker, Health24, February 2009)