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Updated 26 March 2018

‘I have lost interest in having sex, what do I do?’

Sis Dolly answers some burning questions from our readers.

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LOVELESS MARRIAGE

My husband has been sleeping around since we started dating back in 1980. We have three sons together and I’ve had two miscarriages in between. He used to leave me alone in the house and go on drinking sprees with various girlfriends. Many of them have since died from Aids, but he’s survived because he’s on ARVs. Thank God I’m clean but my feelings for this man died long ago and now all I have is pity. We live in my house and although I don’t want him here, he’ll have nowhere to go if I chase him away. What should I do?

I have to wonder why you feel obliged to be the caretaker of someone who has clearly shown you that you don’t matter to him. You’ve said it yourself – you don’t have feelings for him anymore, so why do you feel you have to continue living under the same roof and mother him? You have to decide how far the pity goes. Does it mean you bend over backwards just so he can continue with his old ways? What about you? He has chosen his path, but what do you want for your life?

Q

NO INTEREST IN SEX

 I’ve lost interest in having sex with my boyfriend, but I still love him. He never forces me and I feel bad because I know he wants it. What can I do to get interested in sex with him again?

A

You don’t mention your age so it’s difficult to figure out what’s causing your low libido. There are various reasons why this can happen. I suggest you talk to your partner about it and discuss ways of making sex more exciting. You might just be bored. If that fails the next step would be to consult a doctor, as it might be a medical problem.

 

Q

STUCK BETWEEN THE TWO

 I’m 29 and have been in a relationship for four years. This woman is the mother of my daughter and my unborn son and I love her. She’s been there for me through thick and thin, providing stability in my life. But we seem to want different things now and I think I’m only in this relationship because I feel I owe her. She doesn’t look to the future and she doesn’t want to work so she just sits at home and does the chores. Last year I met a beautiful woman and I think she’s perfect for me. We share the same sentiments and goals. She’s a hustler, which really turns me on, and although she recently lost her job I’m helping her find another one. I’m trying to relocate her to where I work, but what will I do with two women in my life?

A

Two women in your life is definitely a recipe for disaster, so you need to choose between them. Would you have felt incompatible with the mother of your children if you hadn’t met the other woman? I suggest you talk to your first partner about what you envisage for your future and what you expect her to do in contributing towards it. Bear in mind you have children with this woman and their wellbeing should be considered when making your decision.

 
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