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27 April 2018

‘I am still in love with my abusive ex-husband’

Sis Dolly answers burning questions from our readers.

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Question

I still love him

I’m a 50-year-old lady who’s been divorced for just over a year. My 49-yearold ex-husband cheated a lot but I’ve realised I still love him very much. He says he loves me too but I don’t really believe him because he’s involved with a 22-year-old lady. He was my first love and we still live together. Why can’t I get over these feelings for him?

Answer

You’ve just answered your own question – he was your first love and you have a history together. This is why your feelings for him can’t simply be erased just like that. When you divorced him it was probably because you were tired of his behaviour and not because you didn’t love him anymore, which is understandable. Seeing him every day might be preventing you from finding closure. But time is the healer of wounds, so give yourself time to go through the process of grieving for your marriage, then hopefully you’ll be able to find closure.

Question

I can’t take this abuse

I’m 38 years old and in a relationship with an abusive man. He doesn’t beat me but emotionally I’m always being hurt. Everywhere he goes he seems to have a different girlfriend and I’m worried because I don’t know if he’s using protection. If I talk to him about it we just end up fighting until I say sorry. He claims he loves me, but I’m not sure I can do this any longer. Please help. MM, SMS

Answer

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can be as damaging as being in a physically abusive relationship. The difference is the scars and damage are on the inside.Your boyfriend’s behaviour makes it clear he doesn’t appreciate you. You need to realise you’re worth more than the way he’s treating you. You have two choices: either put up with this treatment and lose yourself in the process or leave him, find peace and a man who will appreciate you.

 
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