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Updated 18 June 2018

‘He is cheating on me – should I give him space?’

Sis Dolly answers some burning questions from our readers.

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Should i give him some space?

Question

I’m a 23-year-old lady dating a 27-year-old guy and we have a son together. He is cheating on me but I do love him and for the sake of our child I’m thinking of giving him some space. Do you think this is a good idea?

Answer

I’m trying to understand what space it is you think you will give him – he seems to have all the freedom he needs to be unfaithful to you. If you mean time apart, then it needs to be more beneficial to you than to him. Use it to think about whether you truly want to be with someone who treats you the way he does.

Your son deserves to have a mother who’s content so he can grow up in a happy environment – you’re certainly not doing him any favours by staying in an unhappy relationship. And you’re far too young to sacrifice yourself like that. Remember that if you decide to leave your baby daddy he’s obliged to support the child financially. Also, you’ll have a responsibility to make sure he’s part of the child’s life. If you do break up, start working on this by drawing up a co-parenting plan with a mediation.

I was raped at 15

Question

I’m 23 years old and was involved with a 25-year-old guy. Between July 2016 and May 2017 he went to study in America and during that time I slept with seven different guys.

I honestly don’t know why I did it but I was raped when I was 15 so I’m wondering if that is what’s making me behave like this? Lately I find that I’m thinking more and more about what happened on that night. I’ve had sex with over 20 guys since, and when my boyfriend found out about it he broke up with me.

Now he’s threatening to tell my dad about it and I would hate that as I’m his golden girl. I went to see a traditional healer who gave me muthi to give to my boyfriend, but what do you think I should do?

Answer

You experienced trauma at a young age and should have received counselling to deal with it and help you through the healing process.

 It seems you’ve supressed the rape incident and the negative consequences are only manifesting now. It’s possible they could be triggered by the fact that you’re sexually active. Your father should have been your first point of support after your ordeal.

If you’d told him what happened he could have ensured you received the necessary help. Having slept with many guys is not the biggest concern right now. What you need to do is tell your father about the rape. Then you should visit a rape crisis centre where you can receive counselling, figure out coping skills and find a way to move forward. Only once you’ve done this can you think about having another relationship.

 

 
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