12 August 2009

Threatened by your partner's fantasies?

Many questions about sexual normality have to do with sexual fantasies. Should you be worried about your partner's fantasies?

Many questions about sexual normality have to do with fantasies. What is a fantasy? It is a mental representation of any kind of sexual activity. Some of these are like movies, telling a story from beginning to end, while others are more like fleeting thoughts or glimpses of pleasurable situations.

Some people's fantasies are mainly positive and others are negative. Some people spend a lot more time with their fantasies than others, and usually their fantasies are more elaborate. Some people are willing to spend time doing this and others aren't. They may find it pleasurable to fantasise about sex with their partners, other people's partners, animals, all sorts of combinations. Other people think it's wrong to fantasise about sex at all, about certain kinds of sex, or about sex with certain people.

So who fantasises most?
Men are much more likely to fantasise, or to admit to fantasising, than women, which is what one would expect in a society that encourages male sexuality, but only recently has begun to accept female sexuality.

There is enormous variation in the amount of fantasising that individual men do. Some men have sexual fantasies many times each day, while others can go for weeks without one. Often men who prioritise sex in their lives have more sexual thoughts and fantasies. Remember in thinking about your boyfriend, that if he does fantasize sexually, it in no way means that he is following through on his fantasies or that he loves you any less. It means that he is using his imagination, combined with real life sexual stimulations, to turn himself on.

In the meantime, if your partner is having fantasies, it doesn't mean he/she loves you any less; in fact, it could be one of the sparks behind a great sex life!

Always remember that fantasy is different than reality and that we don't have to life out our fantasies in real life, we can play-act them out as well. (Dr Elna McIntosh, sexologist)


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