The frenetic pace of daily life can make our personal
relationships seem fleeting and temporary. This is even more pronounced in the
workplace where actions taken and decisions made within a second - sometimes with
It doesn’t have to be like this. By following a few
basic principles secure, stable, and lasting relationships can be developed.
Recognising the importance of the relationship
When we think of relationships, we think 'it takes two people to make things work', but that isn’t always the
While it may be easier if both parties recognise that the
relationship is important, all it takes to put a relationship on the road to stability
is for one person to decide to put in the effort. Only once we recognise the fact that our relationships with
people are important will we be willing to invest the time and energy needed.
This first step is key, and should the relationship not turn
out as you hoped, if you are confident you've done all you can from your side then you can be comfortable
in the knowledge that you did your best.
The way our minds work, is that when taking in information,
we are concurrently processing it – effectively judging that information. But while this is useful in times of crisis when snap decisions
need to be made, in relationships it can prove to be a major issue.
When we say we’re listening, but are actually also judging
what we’re hearing, we’re in fact not fully listening. By taking a moment to
evaluate the information you have just heard before replying, you will have
more of a chance to understand the motivations and grasp the feelings of the
Too often, when immediately trying to get our point of view
across, we only succeed in coming accross as defensive.
We don’t always have control over when integral
conversations which can make or break a relationship will occur, but in those
moments when we do, where we hold those conversations can be just as important as
the topic under discussion.
For many people, meeting in a relaxed and informal setting,
puts them at ease, which makes them more sympathetic. The
location of your discussion can affect the substance of your discussion.
Allow for feelings to
Relationships are created by sharing thoughts and feelings. When feelings are expressed, we show our true selves - which can make us feel
yet the upshot of that vulnerability is that it allows
us to be more connected. Bottled-up feelings which aren't aired can be an impediment to
building a true connection.
How can we expect to have meaningful, substantial
relationships when one party is oblivious to another’s anger or frustration?
If you keep these principles in mind, you will have taken
the first steps needed to build yourself relationships that are lasting and
However, there is one core concept underpinning all of these
principles, which, failing all else, is what you must remember: there has to be
a willingness for people to work together, which, most importantly, means that
we must be willing to listen to each other.
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