Sexual superhero: orgasm without ejaculation

This is Step 10 of the Sexual Superhero programme for premature ejaculation which was developed by sensualist Jonti Searll.

Orgasm and ejaculation are two totally different processes. This means that as a man you can have an orgasm but not ejaculate.

For most people, sex is a goal-oriented activity, the goal being orgasm. If two people are in bed, or wherever they may be having sex, the goal is orgasm. Once that’s happened, hopefully for both, that’s it, game over. Then we go onto the next thing, which for men is generally falling asleep.

I make a joke when I give talks and say for men it should be called going, not coming. It’s the ejaculation that wipes you out, not the orgasm.

In the East they’ve been aware of this for thousands of years. They’ve also learned how to separate the two events.

The PC muscle exercises you’ve been doing are the first steps in learning to control orgasm purely through muscle contraction and relaxation. However, that takes a lot of dedicated practice. There is an easier way to have orgasms and not ejaculate.

Read: Sexual superhero: Achieving tantric energy balance

Million dollar point

It deals with a point on your body called the Million Dollar Point (MDP) and it’s well worth knowing. The MDP is on the perineum, the area between your testicles and anus. The way to find the point is to stand with your legs apart and push on the perineum towards your head, firmly.

Move your fingers across from side to side until you feel what feels like an electrical cord. This is the tube that carries the sperm for the ejaculation. To find it you may have to move your fingers backwards towards your anus.

Don’t go too far now, or forwards. If your partner is looking for the point make sure she or he has short nails, or use the pad of her thumb.

• Lie on your back and begin to stroke your penis.
• Feel for the point but don’t push hard.
• As you get closer to orgasm, you’ll feel the tube get harder and the muscles around it pulsate and contract.
• Carry on stroking yourself and push firmly on the point towards your head.
• You’ll have a full-blown orgasm but you won’t ejaculate.
• Keep your fingers in the point until the contractions subside.
• It may be a very intense feeling. After that you’ll find that the head of your penis may be too sensitive to touch.
• Once that’s passed you can do the whole thing again and again. Then wait a while ‘till you wipe the smile off your face.

It’s a good idea to have an ejaculation within three or four days to prevent fluid building up in your prostate.

You can do the same thing with your partner stroking your penis, or even using her mouth. She can bring you to orgasm a few times, each time without the ejaculation. An ejaculation after a few orgasms will be very intense.

You can also use the point during penetration, either one of you pushing the point to prevent the ejaculation.

Read: Expanded orgasm explained

Advanced penetration

Remember the flexibility exercises, hip circles, rolling around the ball? Now it’s time to apply them sexually. An in and out movement of a penis doesn’t do much for most women; it also limits your pleasure to basic friction.

Think of a vagina as a tube with 360 degrees of possible sensation. Think of the head of your penis as a circle with 360 degrees of possible sensation. Now that you have greater control of your sexual muscles, you can really play and explore pleasure.

Slide in down one side of her vagina and out the other. Do the same in the opposite direction. Roll your hips around the ball as you stroke in along the top or bottom and out the opposite way.

Read: Reverse cowgirl variation

Stirring The Pot: penetrate deeply and move your penis in small circles inside her. Stroke in and out along the same wall. Vary the depth of penetration. Vary the speed of penetration. Not only will your partner be pleasured more, so will you.

Remember all the exercises. When you get close to coming:

Stop

Breathe

Relax

An awesome Taoist technique

• Nine very shallow strokes
• Then one very deep stroke
• Repeat it nine times.
• Keep your eyes open.
• Stroke very slowly in and out.
• Breathe with your partner - same time, same rhythm
• Feel every delicious millimeter of flesh.
• Make your instroke last a whole breath and move out as you exhale for as long as you can.

Jonti Searll, sensualist

Read more:

Go to Step 11: sex and breathing
Back to the Sexual Superhero programme
What is Tantra and Tantric sex?