Are you thirty and still single, without even a hint of a prospect on the horizon? You can’t understand why – you ’re reasonably attractive, you have a decent job and even drive a nice car, but things are just not happening for you. It’s not that you don’t meet girls – you just can’t seem to connect.
You're not alone
It might not be much of a consolation, but you’re not alone. We’re not living in the Middle Ages and women are no longer kept behind lock and key, but many guys have trouble breaking the ice and joining the dating game.
Read: Why you might be single
In today’s fast-paced world we need to make snap decisions about a lot of things, including establishing sexual relationships, which means that when meeting a woman we have just a few seconds to make a lasting impression. First impressions count, and if you stammer and splutter into your beer and look as if you’re ready to faint, chances are that she’ll have moved on by the time you’re ready to look her in the eye.
Are you ready to accept the sad fact that you’re going to die alone, and that your mother will never have any grandchildren? Don’t despair, help is at hand . . .
SA's 'pick-up artists' extraordinaire
Enter Ryan Peimer, Darren Lurie, and Josh Margolis, South Africa’s “pick-up artists” extraordinaire who started up Pick-Up Artist South Africa (PUA SA) just more than two years ago.
Speaking to Helen Grange in a recent article in The Star Peimer (27), a film director/producer, admitted that when he was younger he struggled to talk to women and mostly ended up going home alone. He could have done with some guidance at that stage and that is why he and his two colleagues decided to launch PUA SA.
Their philosophy is that men need training to meet and attract women, and PUA SA offers “boot camps” where men are trained in the art of picking up women.
Read: Tired of being single?
“Pick-up artistry” is already a thriving business all over the world, with trained instructors sharing their know-how with guys who want to improve their chances with women and need to learn a few social skills.
PUA boot camps in SA, the UK and the USA, were, in fact, inspired by the book The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, by Neil Strauss. The author gives men corrective advice on their behaviour, body language, and what to say – and his conclusion is that “pick-up techniques” are basic habits that men should learn in their communities as a matter of course.
Peimer offers valuable tips like: “You should come across genuinely interested, and allow an easy flow of conversation. And use a soft tone.”
Controversial to say the least
In modern society, the idea of teaching men how to pick up women is controversial to say the least, but PUA SA has been well received and has already run nine well-attended boot camps for men aged 18 to 40, across the racial spectrum.
On their website PUA SA advertise themselves as “The leading Seduction, Attraction & Pick Up Artist training facility in Africa” and claim a 100% success rate. They offer a free introductory seminar.
In the meantime . . .
Until such time as you attend a PUA SA course, here are a few random examples of things you should AVOID when trying to make a good impression on a woman:
- Bad manners. Don’t eat with your hands, refrain from swearing and remember to open the car door for her.
- Dressing badly. You don’t have to be a trendoid, but make sure your clothes are clean, in good condition and fit you properly. Try to dress for the occasion.
- Dirty fingernails and unkempt hands. Clean hands suggest that you take good care of yourself.
- Complaining about everything. Put a smile on your face and make pleasant conversation. Negativity is off-putting.
- Talking only about yourself. You don’t want to come across as self-centred. Also listen to what she has to say – it will help you to get to know her.
- Not shaving. Women prefer a clean-shaven man. And trim your bushy eyebrows while you’re about it.
- Focusing on sex. Women don’t like being seen as a sex object.
- Talking about exes. The evening is about the two of you, so don’t dwell on the past.
- Bad or dirty teeth. Make sure you brush your teeth before going out and invest some money at the dentist’s if you have bad teeth or if there’s a gap in your smile.
- Body odour. No matter how good you look, if you smell bad you won’t make the grade. Make sure you shower at least once a day and stay away from onions and garlic. And don’t overdo the aftershave or cologne.
- Being cheap. Pay for the first date (you can go Dutch on subsequent dates) and don’t skimp, even if you’re on a budget.
- Drinking too much. You want to be in control of the situation; and remember, when it comes to sex, alcohol may increase the desire but diminishes the performance.
Signs of a winning date
Avoid these on a first date
10 worst dating disasters
How to pick up women in South Africa
Make Lasting First Impressions With Women
Image: Sad young man from Shutterstock