20 October 2010

What women say and what they mean

When do we mean what we say? When do we say what we mean? What do women mean when they say certain things?


Most women have a tendency to read too much into what a man says. He says, ”I like your couch” and she hears “When can I move in?” Or he says, “I don’t feel like going out tonight” and she hears “I want to end this relationship”. With some exceptions, men mean what they say. They might sometimes be mean in what they say, but they tend to be quite honest and straightforward. When they say they like the couch, most of the time that is what they mean. They like the couch. That’s it.

We women are more complex creatures when it comes to communicating. Not only are we scared to offend most of the time, but we weigh up the consequences of what we say to such an extent, that by the time we get to saying it, it has been diluted. Or it is so tentative that the message we want to get across gets lost completely in the padding. Afterwards, we have a tendency to hold the other person responsible for not responding to our needs. 

Here follows a quick guide to what women say and what women mean:

What women say What women really mean
How about a movie tonight?  If I spend one more night between these four walls, I will start frothing at the mouth
Whose turn is it to change the baby’s nappy? It’s been my turn for the last 6 weeks
Phone your mother If you don’t then I have to speak to her
Nancy’s husband fixed their electronic garage door When are you going to fix the washer on the tap and change the lightbulb in the bathroom?
Working late again tonight? Who is she?
Of course I won’t leave you The mere fact that you ask means you think I have enough reason to
No, I don’t think Bob is more attractive than you are I met the two of you together and he wouldn’t have me
Not more than a few pounds There are 25 pounds of you to which I am not legally married
I really wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t tell me I wanted to give you a hair transplant for your birthday
Don’t you think it would be a good idea… I think it would be a good idea 
I know that you have made an effort It is just not enough 
Do I look fat in this dress? Do you still love me?
If you had to choose for a second time, would you marry me again? Hesitate one second and you are dead
Where did you advertise for your new secretary? The notice board at the modelling school? Can she type or is that not what she was hired for?
Of course your mom can spend December with us My mom is coming for 6 months – would now be a good time to tell you?
A surprise - that's what is for supper I haven't got the faintest idea - checked the freezer lately?
Would you mind looking after the kids for two hours on Tuesday night? Actually it will be four hours and I have already made the booking
I really love you I bumped your car this morning
Did I tell you I invited Sandra and Jakes for supper? I know I didn’t tell you, but because you never listen, I thought I might slip it past you
Who has been in the bathroom? I know it was you – your underpants are lying in a crumpled heap on the bathroom floor. What were you doing? Auditioning for Moby Dick?
Thank you so much for sorting out my tax return I love you
I am so glad I married you Look at what Linda ended up with
Not this week - I am really busy Beat it, creep
Don't worry, everyone was a bit out of control Can you even remember downing the umpteenth beer with underpants on your head?
Do you like my new dress? Why haven't you noticed it already?
 A quickie, now? You have the timing of a rhinoceros in mating season - your parents should already have been here.

(Susan Erasmus,, updated October 2010)


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