Updated 12 May 2014

Want to be a vleiskombers?

Women all over the country are cold. It’s your chance, dude.

Ever surreptitiously listen in on a group of wine-waving women in heavy gossip mode during a freezing winter’s night? I have.

Which is how I learnt a truly mercenary chick thing that I think it is my sworn duty to communicate to other men.

Mostly, because it’s a great thing to remember when the women in your life are going on and on about your inadequate emotional development. But also, because we can make great use of it.

So what’s the big secret? In a nutshell: Girls drop their dating standards in winter.

Apparently, according to the gaggle of Martini-guzzlers in our kitchen the other day, winter is the best time of year to get yourself – wait for it – a vleiskombers.

Yes, guys, that’s the term that women use to describe you when you are not within earshot (or in my case, when they think you’re too engrossed in the rugby on the TV to hear them). Meat blanket!

Don’t believe me? Check out the unmarried women you know on Facebook. I guarantee that their relationship statuses are changing from ‘It’s Complicated’ to ‘In a Relationship’ faster than you can say ‘Glühwein’.

Apparently, it’s the norm to settle for Mr Right Now when a woman feels like having someone to snuggle up to in front of the TV, but when the sun’s out and she’s tanned and taut again a few months later, she ups her standards to someone more Mr Rightish than her winter fling.

Sure, take a moment to be horrified. But once you’ve finished with that, let’s make the most of it. Is there ever a better time of year for us, the less-than-Adonis-like men of the world, to get some action?

Because when you think of it, one woman’s vleiskombers is some guy’s first base. Cuddling on the couch, watching DVDs, drinking red wine in front of the fire... hell, the reasons why a woman wants a man in winter are all crying out for that man to lean over and give her a thorough snogging.

And if you’ve got your kissing technique nailed, well there’s no reason why that might not be all you’ll nail this winter.

And then when spring comes around and she swaps roasts for salads and the couch for the gym, you might just find that she doesn’t want to look for Mr Perfect and that her comfy vleiskombers has actually turned into Mr “Surprise” Right. Or, you may have got bored. Whichever. Good luck, regardless.

Andrew Luyt, Health24

Picture: couple cuddling from Shutterstock

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