A guide to sensual massage

It’s a simple act, placing a hand on someone else’s body. But touch speaks volumes and can convey your deepest feelings. Sometimes it says “I love you” or “I want you”. Sometimes it whispers “I feel sorry for you”. And sometimes it even shouts, “Stop! Don’t come near me”.

Sensual massage is the art of touching that allows you to give and receive pleasure. It enhances communication because your hands speak for you and encompass all your senses – sight, sound, taste, touch, smell – and intimacy.

Here’s how to make it even more exciting...  

1. Create a sensual space

Light some candles – anything from three to 30. Even in the daytime candles give a room a special quality and enhance the mood. 

Choose the music for your massage with care – preferably instrumental with no lyrics, not even your favourite love songs. When there are words to the music you’ll tend to sing the songs in your head, which keeps you from being fully present with your lover. 

If you like incense, light a stick or two and scatter some rose petals around the room. You might also want to have a tray of snacks, water, juice, wine, fruit and chocolate available. The idea is to indulge all your senses.

Remember, when you spend time creating this space, you’re telling your partner that he or she matters to you, and that their pleasure is precious. It’s one of the most loving gifts you can give.

A good massage oil or cream with a subtle scent is a must – avoid those that are highly fragranced as men and women have a very different sense of smell. Ideally you should warm the oil beforehand. 

Then, for one of the most delicious sensations ever, place the warm oil in a jug with a thin pouring spout and slowly trickle it onto your partner’s body. It’s messy – place plenty of towels underneath your partner – but it’ll simply melt them into ecstasy...

Before you even touch your lover with your hands, touch him or her with your breath. This is called Bliss Body Massage and finds its origins in the ancient pleasure arts of the East.

Blow hot and cold breaths, hard and soft, all over your partner’s body. The sensation is extremely intimate and incredibly connecting. It brings you right into the present moment.

Sensual touch should be slow and gentle – it’s not a sports massage and you’re not looking for knots to knead out. This kind of massage is languid and super-slow. The slower you stroke, the more your partner will relax. And more relaxation means a more intense sensation.

When you’re ready and your partner is totally relaxed, try this sensual massage sequence and make up your own new moves. But don’t repeat any single movement more than five times – it gets boring and your partner will lose the sensation.

- Spine line. Begin your massage on the back and stroke slowly up and down the spine with one finger.  

- Sacral circle. Make a circle with your palm on the sacrum 6 – the flat bone between the hips.  

- Broad strokes. Move your hands over the whole body, one up each leg, then up the back, down the arms and all the way back to where you started. 

- Fore(arm) play. Spread some oil on your forearms and stroke your partner’s body. You can touch much more skin this way. Slide your forearms from the middle of your partner’s spine: one up and one down. Then stroke them both up and down the spine. 

- In the grooves. Remember that all the body creases are extra sensitive – the wrists, elbows, armpits, neck, and the back of the knees. The grooves at the base of the bottom, top of the thigh and between the cheeks of the buttocks are especially sensitive. Any sensation – from a firm touch to a gentle fingertip stroke – will feel even more intense.

Touching slowly forces you to relax and feel more with your hands. This way you get as much from giving the massage as your partner does from receiving it.

Slow things down as much as possible. Even if your massage is going to include the genitals, or if the intention is to have sex at the end, take your time and prolong the pleasure. The slower the build-up, the more powerful the sexual energy.

Also, it’s very important to understand that a woman can take longer than a man to become aroused. But starting slowly allows you to effectively fan the flames and create a raging inferno in her body.

If your massage is going anywhere sexual, make your first genital touch (after at least 15 to 20 minutes) no more than a whisper. Just brush the genitals lightly, then stroke away, up or down the body. As you slowly slide back, the anticipation adds to the sensation. Touch again, just for a moment, and retreat yet again.

This “teasing” style of touch enhances every experience and builds desire – in you and your partner.

Of course, everyone has their unique “buttons” – areas that are more sensitive than others. How do you find your lover’s? It’s simple: you ask.

You can ask with words or with your hands – with focus, you’ll learn to feel how your partner’s body responds to certain touches and to explore new ways of touching. But make sure you get the feedback that allows you to meet your partner’s distinctive personal needs.

Don’t treat the experience as a tit-for-tat. Sometimes you’ll both give and receive a massage, while on other occasions tonight is just for you, and Thursday is my turn.

Bear in mind that sensual massage isn’t always about sex. If you make love every time you give a massage it will soon be reduced to a few brief minutes of foreplay. The key is to tap into the art of touching, connecting and creating a bubble of intimacy. When you touch from your heart, it will be an experience of deep love as well as physical pleasure.