11 July 2006

Managing anger

Do you feel that your anger sometimes gets out of hand? Help is at hand.

Anger Management supports individuals to manage their anger and emotions better, rather than have their anger wreck their lives and health. There is a great deal of stress, anger and road rage in South Africa and an anger management programme can be of great benefit. It can help current problems as well as prevent future problems. Many people associate anger with violence and this is not so. One does not have to be violent to benefit from anger management. Anger management will help everyone express their emotions better, whether they explode or bottle up, rage, or go through life frustrated or resentful.

Better communication
As individuals are not mind-readers, we need to learn to become much better communicators, not only to get things off our chest, but as a way of letting someone else know what we are not happy with. No-one will guess when you use sarcasm, criticism, moodiness, silence, walking out, shouting and so on what you are feeling, why you are feeling the way you do, and what you want them to do. These three components, when communicated respectfully, let another know what is going on with you and it opens up a way to resolve conflict.

There is always a tit-for-tat between people and it creates conflict, for example, if you upset me, I’ll upset you. We can choose to stop doing it as it serves no purpose. Ask yourself: do certain things you do, such as losing your temper, really serve you? Most likely the answer will be no! It is very important to deal with issues rather than bottle them up. If you don’t, they will not go away. Things don’t magically become alright again. We are like a pressure cooker and things build and build until one day we explode.

Your choice
One of the most important concepts to understand in anger management is around responsibility and choice. No-one tells you to shout, swear, throw things, scream, push them, hit them or be violent. It is in fact you who chooses to do these things … and they all constitute abuse. If this is so, then there is little justification in saying excuses such as she made me do it or it was his fault. Nobody deserves to be abused by another. This can be turned around to read “I have the right to be safe and not be abused by anyone”. This is a basic human right and every person has this right.

For more information on anger management:
Contact Information
Shelton Kartun, B.Sc (Hons) DMS M.ASC M.BAAM , a specialist in the field of anger management and a counsellor in stress.
He is the Director and Founder of The Anger & Stress Management Centre of SA. Tel: (021) 554 3661 or email


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