Posted by: KM | 2010/07/22


Social Skills

Hi Doc
My 2 yr 3 month old son is extremely stubborn. He does not like to partake in group activities and likes one on ones which is not always possible at school. he is able to do quite a bit at home like stacking really high boxes but does not do this in school. He seems scared to talk at school and is the quite sensitive type. He socialises fine with his parents and grandparents however seems more withdrawn when other people or kids are around. What can I do for him? Your suggestions and advice would be of great help?

Expert's Reply



This is very common and is usually just a passing phase. The important point is that he does interact normally with you and his grandparents.Try and get him to make one friend at school even inviting that child to your home so that your son can play with him there. From having one friend he will gradually begin making more friends and become more interactive at school.

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user comments


Posted by: MOMS | 2010/07/24

I agree with Purple that not a teachers shoud be teaching and the problem very often lies with the teacher and not the child. She cleary knows very little and suggesting OT proves this!! I often wonder if schools make commission for refering a child to a specialist...Be careful of this type of teacher, she may be dropping hints al the time for the chid to hear slowy breaking down his self esteem amd you''l never know about it, until one day the school calls you for a meeting saying YOUR CHILD has a problem, suggesting OT, educational psychologists etc and later medication...You must consider moving your child to another school and his teacher for next year probably won''t be any better if you consider the choises this school makes, less qualifications (if any...) means less money spent on salaries, then they think they can get away with it by putting them in with the young ones (where it can do the most harm). Your child could slowly become depressed and he is really the victim as he is too young to express that he is feeling subtely bullied and unliked!

By the way, I''ve had 5 kids and would be very surprised if your son wasn''t stubborn at this stage and wanting to do his own thing. The phase he is going through is quite normal. Always follow your instincts even when a school says the opposite. Instead of them making you have doubts, go and demand to see her CV!

Reply to MOMS
Posted by: KM | 2010/07/22

Thanks Purple
Its the teacher who has raised this as an issue and asked that we take him to an OT.

Reply to KM
Posted by: Purple | 2010/07/22

Children play next to each other rather than with each other at this age. Its usually only at around two and a half or three that they start to engage in games together, so its too early to worry that he isn''t socialising.

It is quite normal for children to be able to do far more advanced things at home than they do at school. There are lots of others around at school, its noisy and so on. Many children are well potty trained at home for around 6 months before they are able to be off nappies at day care.

He''ll come out of his shell at school as time goes on. Why not chat to the teacher about this, she should be able to advise you and tell you not to worry.
If she is the one causing your worry, I''d suggest finding another school where the staff are more up to speed on children''s development at different phases of their lives.

When my son had just turned two his teacher told me that he wasn''t concentrating for lengthy periods at school. I asked how it was in comparison to the other children and she told me it was the same. I asked if his concentration levels weren''t then age appropriate and she looked at me blankly. I spoke with the principal who assured me there was no concentration problem and the teacher was sent on a refresher course. She''d been telling all the other parents the same.
My son is now 6 and I" ve never had another teacher (even at his new school) mention a concentration problem, except to praise how unusual it is for a boy to be able to sit still as long as girls do and focus on an activity. Not all teachers should be in the teaching profession.

Reply to Purple

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