You may be healthy and active, but that doesn’t mean your penis
won’t be experiencing these insane changes as you get older.
This is not a story about potential risks or “Any of These Crazy
Penis Conditions” that happen when, say, you “accidentally” put your dong in a
hay bailer. (For the record, please don’t do that. Ever.)
These are things that will, in all likelihood, be happening to
your manhood eventually.
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so your penis can perform
We spoke to Brian Steixner, MD, the director of the Institute of
Men’s Health for the Jersey Urology Group, and asked for all the uncomfortable
details. Brace your young self for a look forward into how the ravages of time
will take their toll.
1. The Droop
According to Dr Steixner – and verified by the naked guys over 70
shuffling around every health club locker room coast to coast – your scrotum
will droop as you get older.
It’s an unavoidable aspect of manly ageing thanks to a loss in
muscle mass. At its most extreme, you develop what Dr Steixner calls “splash
down” syndrome, which is exactly what it sounds like.
When you sit to use the toilet, your scrotum actually hits the
There’s hope, however, thanks to an increasingly popular procedure
called scrotoplasty. That’s right, you can get a sack-job and spare your
septuagenarian self the indignity of the splash down.
Read more: 6 penis problems
2. There will be shrinkage – permanent shrinkage
No, not the out-of-the-pool constriction we all know. This is a
persistent, progressive loss of size as you age.
What does that equation look like? Normal cells, once hale and
hearty, get replaced by non-elastic fibres called collagen, which just sort of
reel in the whole apparatus.
Want to make it worse? Keep building up that beer gut. As your
belly gets bigger, the fat pad pushes out and a larger penile percentage gets
buried under the skin. Gain weight, loose length. Simple math.
“For every 30 pounds [13.6kg] you shed, you add an effective half-inch [1.27cm] in
length,” says Dr Steixner.
3. Going around the bend
Into your autumn years, you develop curvature. You’ll dogleg left.
You’ll pull right.
Thanks to repeated trauma from seemingly harmless things like
sports and sexual activity, scar tissue is accumulating along the length of
And if that isn’t unsettling enough, this scar tissue does not
build up symmetrically. Where you were once an arrow, you become a bow.
“Into your 60s and 70s,” says Dr Steixner, “it can get worse and worse. I’ve
seen patients (whose penises) look for all appearances like a question mark.”
Mercifully, there’s help for punctuation mark syndrome. Today,
injectable medicines help release the accumulated plaques anchoring the scar
tissue holding your penis in that curve.
Read more: Embarrassing penis questions
It’s actually a botulinum toxin that does the trick. That’s right,
botox injections. Down below. Bite your lip and think happy thoughts.
4. Erectile dysfunction
There are more than 30 million men with ED, and the reason behind
it boils down to blood loss.
“Having ED is like having a heart attack of the penis,” explains Dr
Steixner. “And preventing it involves pretty much the same advice you give to
someone with a heart condition. Eat well, exercise – control those and you
should be fine.”
Contending with ED is a billion-dollar market, with treatments
from prescription pills and injections to boost blood flow, to penile implants
designed to give men a natural erection without medicine.
“If you take care of yourself, however, you can avoid all that,” Dr
Steixner says. “I have patients in their 90s who have perfect erections because
they’ve taken care of themselves.”
Read more: Drink this if you’re
worried about erectile dysfunction
Finally, some encouraging news.
5. The Big C
Most men are familiar with the very real risks of prostate and
testicular cancer, and symptoms of these are something to watch for as you age.
But there’s also a risk of skin cancer on the penis itself,
especially if you’re a nudist or like to frequent tanning beds au natural.
Also, men who are uncircumcised but remiss in their personal
hygiene can create conditions that contribute to skin cancer.
“Stay out of tanning beds, and if you are uncircumcised, keep the
hood clean,” urges Dr Steixner.
What’s the worst that can happen? Don’t ask.
Okay, you asked: “In extreme cases, a complete removal of the
penis is required,” Dr Steixner says. “It happens. Maybe once a year. I have a
patient – ”
Stop there, doc. Please. Just stop there. No tanning beds. Stay
clean. We got it.
As for the less horrifying, more likely changes we talked about at
first, know that as you age, your testosterone levels will decrease. That means
slight but consistent loss in size.
In other words, your old man penis is going to last longer, but
Ponder that good-news/bad-news scenario at your retirement party.
And don’t forget that it could be worse. So, so much worse.
This article was originally published on www.mh.co.za
Image credit: iStock