bren, I'm sorry to you've been finding life painful, lately, but these are absolutely not ways to deal with such emotional pain. Cutting is usually associated with brief dissociation, a bit like a form of self-hypnosis, but, as you've found, this doesn't last long, and leaves scars. And other forms of self-harm run a much higher risk than you may expect, of leaving you alive but damaged, so with all the problems you had before, plus new ones.
The only sensible way to deal with this is to seriously work with an expert in these types of brain pain, to gain control of the pain, as well as working towards finding a much more agreeable way of life.
Personally, I'd start by seeing a good clinical psychologist for a full assessment, diagnosis, and a discussion of treatment options. These may include effective therapy like CBT, and, if there is an appropriate form of depression, medicine as well. Don't just give up on yourself : surely you're worth more than that ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.