Posted by: | 2019/01/23


Emptiness and alone

My wife of 8 years unexpectedly passed away on 08/01/2019. My problem is I last saw her on 11/10/2018 and I miss her physical touch, I have 2 beautiful kids that I love with all that I am, but I still feel empty for I cannot touch hold or make love to my wife/best friend... I don't know if it is normal to crave the physical aspect... I don't want to seem desperate or something but I miss a woman's touch... what do I do? :(

Expert's Reply


Depression expert
- 2019/01/24

Sorry to hear of your loss.  It's entirely normal to have mixed feeling after the loss of a loved one, especially so early in a bereavement.  Grief is hard work, and takes time. Maybe especially if you over the years used sex, as many people do, as a source of comfort and a refuge from bad feelings, one might specially miss it now. Sometimes one focuses on one aspect of the loss as a way of NOT focusing on other even more emotionally painful aspects.
Grief usually includes a confusing mix of different feelings and regrets, It may even include what may seem like hallucinations, for instance, when you briefly see the person sitting in their usual place, or hear their car arrive in the driveway.  The most difficult elements tend to reduce after 9 months or so, as gradually the sadder and most regretted aspects of the loss fade, to be replaced by memories of the positive and comforting aspects of the relationship. 
Try not to rush into a new relationship, especially an emotional and/or sexual one : these usually fail, often painfully.  Take the time to heal.

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