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Depression

Question
Posted by: Me | 2019/01/20

Q.

When will it go

Hi Dr Simpson (my ear, not sure if you remember that nickname) I wrote something earlier but asked them to delete my post, I do that at times like I have all these things going on inside and when I put it "out there" I think I'm either telling too much about myself & can't tolerate how that makes me feel, or when I read it or think back about it I "reprimand" myself, saying things like, you don't really feel that, you're lying about the extent of what you feel, or you are so pathetic and whiny etc, either way I then need it back to try keep "me" safe or whole or whatever the word. But it does get so intense inside etc, but it's like I'm not allowed to feel those things & it's not really my life, my life doesn't have fear, stress, trauma, depression etc and it's not acceptable to feel things like that, but sometimes when things get overloaded it's like I almost "step to the side of myself" so automated and I'm quite aware that I'm doing life but it's like there's that "distance" or " disconnected, semi numb feeling" like you don't really belong anywhere. Do Drs, psychologists, psychiatrists see people with depression as pathetic and weak, like a joke? That's how I see myself after I've "reprimanded" myself for being like that so I think other people do the same & then after being mean to myself I don't feel as much,. But then the stress and depression get you and it's like you have almost no energy to do life, it's an internal fight that is not really an acceptable thing to have, when will this go away, often it feels I am a mistake. I see people enjoying life and as much as I smile I don't know how to be happy inside it's like everything is tainted with sad and deep unacceptable things. I'm very tired and it's hard to explain the things inside as you feel people don't really want to get involved with "dark" or there is something wrong with you. I'm not "two people" I'm fully aware of myself, but one needs to keep up your masks for the situations you're in but inside you feel very sad, unacceptable, alone and bad for feeling that way. Please say it will go away, I hate my life like this, I don't want to be around people but like I'm doing now I want to also talk. I was going to ask you to please wave your magic wand and make it go away, cause I'm tired, but I know that's dumb and fairy tales don't exist anyway. Any way let me be going. Thanks for listening again

Expert's Reply

A.

Depression expert
- 2019/01/21

Gosh, you do sound harsh, critical and unforgiving toward yourself, from ear to shining ear.  And shrinks do not find depression or anxiety funny,  or leprosy, or indigestion.   My magic wand is away for repairs. But your whole message reads like an argument in favour of CBT counselling.  Arrange for this, it should suit you and your style, and give you valuable tools with which to fret fruitfully.


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user comments

C.

Posted by: Me | 2019/01/21

Thank you Dr Simpson

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