In Manic episodes, it very often seems normal to the individual having the episode, even if most other people an see something's wrong. But it's an illness, and nothing to be ashamed of, any more than one might feel ashamed of having ingrown toenails. I have no doubt that with competent assessment and advice, you can be helped.
First you'd need to see a good local psychiatrist, privately or through provincial hospital, for a thorough assessment and diagnosis to identify the problems, and then a discussion of the treatment options. Work with such an advisor, who in the process will help you to form useful plans, identifying what you want and need to achieve,
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