Posted by: Stiefma | 2017/11/26


Hoe kan ek my stiefseun help sonder om myself en my gesin te na te kom?

Hy is nou 26jaar oud en sukkel met dwelm verslawing. Ons het hom al in 5 verskillende rehabs gehad maar hy loop self weg na 2weke. Ons vat hom elke keer in maar hy lieg, bedrieg en besteel ons elke keer. As ons bietjie hulp gee met kos dan vat hy heeltemal oor en boer dan by ons. Hy wil nie werk nie. Sy langste wat hy nig werk gehou het was 2maande (waarvan hy afbetaal is omdat hy nooit opdaag nie) Daar is altyd spanning en stres as hy hier is. Ons het hom 3weke terug uit ons huis gejaag omdat hy ons so baie probleme gee. Ek en my man voel dieselfde daaroor. My man het hom gister saam met boemelaars langs die pad gesien en hy se hy lyk baie sleg. Ons weet hy slaap in n tent in n lee erf maar weet nie of hy elke dag iets het om te eet nie. Hoe help ons hom sonder om hom weer n voet in die deur te gee. Hy sal nie hulp aanvaar tensy ons hom self invat nie, en ons kan nie weer deur die stres en drama gaan nie. Hy het maar n moeilike kinderlewe gehad. Hy is n baie agressiewe mens en speel baie op mens se gevoel. Hy was al op kalmeer pille wat baie gehelp het maar hy hou nie col nie. Ek vermoed hy ly aan depressie of dalk bipoler, maar hy weier om enige langtermyn medikasie e te gebruik. Help my asb om die regte besluit en keuses te maak.

Expert's Reply


Depression expert
- 2017/11/27

Hello Stiefma,
This must be very alarming for you. The usual period of treatment in rehab usually needs further follow-up and as I'm sure you realise, when someone leaves even before the usual time has been completed,  there's little chance that they will improve. It's not just a matter of stopping the drug use, which is relatively easy, but of staying stopped.
It doesn't sound as though he has any real or strong motivation to stop abusing drug (or, rather, to stop being abused by them ).  HE must make the effort : you cannot do it for him.
From your description, it sounds as though he is also abusing you, and showing no respect for you as people or for the sacrifices you have been making in order to help him.
There is a very major limit as to how much you can do for him, especially as it sounds as though he can't be bothered to help himself.  Quite often it may be necessary to let him experience the natural consequences of his behaviour without your protection.  If he steals things or otherwise breaks the law, let the law take it's course.  A court may, for instance, require him to spend more time in one of the rare state rehab facilities, which may be strict enough to get through to him.  Should he end up in jail, he may decide that this is not a good way to live.
It can be difficult and painful to see him in the mess he put himself in, but so long as he rejects other choices, he needs to face the situations he is creating for himself.
If you communicate further with him ( and that's not always useful ) you can offer some support ONLY on condition that he complete a proper rehab course to the satisfaction of the folks who run it.  Protect yourselves as a priority : there's no advantage in allowing 3 people to be harmed by his choice of bad habits rather than just one.
If he had a difficult childhood that's sad, but it is not an excuse for what he is now doing. Whether he might have other problems as well, such as depression or bipolar can ONLY be decided by a psychiatrist after a careful direct assessment, and there's no point in trying to treat such disorders unless the person will co-operate properly with the treatment and take the prescribed medications exactly as recommended, or they could make the situation even more dangerous.
Sadly, some people just do not allow good people like yourselves to help them.

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