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Depression

Question
Posted by: Jack | 2020/04/19

Q.

Anxiety and Insomnia problem

Hi, I am 33 years married person. Sorry for my bad English my question is unique which I think so please answer. I was living a very happy life. Last year I married and having a baby boy of 5months old. My wife loves me a lot and the same from me, but she is very very possessive about me I left my all friends now I have no friends. When I meet any person she thinks I am Gay, She wants me 24/7. After marriage, I lost my job, lost in my business and lost my all assets. I was living a happy life with good income and having more than 100k $ assets now I have the only motorbike which is also on installments. Now I am jobless. One of my friend's fraud with me I lost my almost 50k$. Due to him now I have a Loan of about 15k$. My family is very supportive my father is supporting our expenses. When I talk with my sister my wife feel jealous and fight with me that you are giving importance to your family, not me. All-day I live with my room in the house but still, she is not happy.  Suppose she calls me and dnt pick her to call she think I am with someone else boy or girl and having sex. All-time she thinks negatively. She is happy with me on the bed. I am ok on the bed with her. Be honest there is nothing like this. When the maid looks at me she thinks that I have an affair with her. Why she look at you, you have sex with her in past like this kind of bullshits. When someone calls me she said why he calls you, you must be talking about a girl ( like ex GF ). On the weekend she spends in In-laws. She calls me a 5-6 time video call what I am doing. Who is in your room. Why you are out of the home. Who called you etc….. When she fights she become very aggressive and even beat me, bite me but she is a girl I can’t beat her. I just silent and face all this. When I talk about divorce she becomes a monster and bike on my face, neck, hit me etc… I am in much depression. Due to her, I have anxiety and insomnia. I can’t sleep well every time my mind thinks about how can I leave her. I am very sincere and loyal to her but she not accept and always thinks negative about me. She also not agree on separation. My mind always thinks about separation, sometimes I want to relax my mind but still, these things come in my mind i feel panic. She calls me I become nervous which I don't want to be.  She was a professional girl but now she is like a monster. What should I do? I started smoking when she is not at home I smoke 10-15 cigarettes in a day to release my stress but this is jus

Expert's Reply

A.

Depression expert
- 2020/04/20

Hello Jack
You don't seem to mention how long you knew your wife before marriage : sometimes people who get married before they have really taken the time to get to know each other, find uncomfortable surprises after marriage.
Some actually personally insecure people become very possessive and controlling of their partner. That is never a recipe for happiness.  Your wife is also taking a very self-defeating approach, in seeing your sister and family as rivals, rather than a sources of support and assistance for you and potentially also for her.  What you are describing sounds like what is often called Pathological Jealousy :someone being jealous and suspicious to an absurd extent, without any sufficient basis for this.
This is always unpleasant, but in your description she takes this much too far, in not merely abusive words and behaviours, but physical violence.  This is never acceptable.
It would be useful if you could document the wounds she causes. Does she ever show this violence when others are present ?  Witnesses would be useful.
You should not be expected to accept such intolerably cruel treatment, and divorce may well be a sensible idea.  You may want to consult a lawyer to clarify your rights and your prospects for a successful application fora divorce ; and perhaps even a court order of protection, forbidding her from any form of abusive behaviour towards her. 
Congratulations on having enough scruples to resist the temptation to hit back when she assaults you.  It is too often forgotten that women as well as men, can abuse their spouse, and that this is no more acceptable,  and the victim of an abusive wife deserves understanding and support, too.
If she had a good professional job, why did she apparently stop work ? She should be able to get a new job and to support herself, and this would give her something better to think about all day than her twisted obsessions about you and your non-existent affairs.
In a less extreme situation, and  where she would sincerely agree to work with you with a marriage counselor, it can be possible for such troubles to be sorted out, but it sounds extremely unlikely that she would agree to do so.  And you can't fix these marital problems all on your own.  Hence divorce may be the best option, to save your own health.

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