It seems you and your step-daughter to be have a wonderful relationship and you should feel good about this. It is understandable, and wise, that you do not want to become the middle man between her and her father; ultimately he is her parent (despite your nurturing role). I have heard other parents query the teaching style of remedial schools and perhaps a meeting with her teacher together with all caregivers could shed a little more light onto the best route forward. Having said that, it is important to remember that children with any learning difficulty tend to work twice as hard for the half the result of children without a learning difficulty; and yet another point to consider is the possibility that she uses her difficulty as a scapegoat. Top all this with the hormonal changes she is experiencing and perhaps some confusion about her self worth as her biological parents are not together. Although the custody arrangement works well, and children adapt remarkably well, she may have some underlying resentment that she not even she is aware of. Perhaps a visit with an educational psychologist can lead to an assessment of her current level of difficulty with learning, and also venture into her emotional well being. The teenage years are very difficult for parents, but even more so for the child going through them. Discipline, a safe haven, immense love and guidance are her top needs - even if she disagrees.
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