Posted by: Custer | 2008/07/03


I'm ruining my own life

Hey doc,

I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 3.
Never went on ritalin and never had any behavioral therapy.
I was a difficult child and had constant problems at school. Wasn't very bad at anything, neither brilliant at anything. I never studied and cruised through. Was disruptive, challenged the "normal" way of doing things, challenged my teachers and still have problems with authority figures.

When I turned 21 I put myself into psychotherapy to try and sort myself out. But my therapist just used to say I'm above average and that there's nothing wrong with me...

Today I'm 25 and it feels as if I'm at the end of my tether.
I'm doing very bad at work where I am in a highly stressed environment as a senior in the company.
My personal life is a mess. I have incurred massive debts and feel stressed and anxious all the time. Put myself back into therapy but didn't help this time either. I'm depressed, stressed have massive mood swings and am excessively compulsive. I also have a problem with alcohol as I either can have a few drinks and stop or go off on a tangent at a moments notice and not remember anything I said or did.
I can't stop thinking about suicide as it feels as if I have nowhere to turn to. I have also hurt the loved ones I used to have without remorse. But the guilt is killing me. I used to do and say things (still do) without thinking about any of the consequences. I feel like I'm falling apart

Expert's Reply


ADHD Expert

Dear Custer,
It seems you have a new support base out there. My thanks to all those who have offered their help during the time I was unable to. It is not unusual for people diagnosed with ADD to have above average IQs. The first therapist you saw was at least right on that point. It seems you are after some coping skills which neither therapists have been able to offer; and it appears you have followed many avenues to try mend the problems. There is a programme called Dore, which provides no diagnosis, simply looks at your symptoms and through tailored excercises can diminish, if not eradicate, symptoms such as impulsivity, moodiness and improve concentration. It may also be worthwhile seeing your GP and having a general check up; the stress you seem to be under may be affecting you physiologically.
Kind regards.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

user comments


Posted by: CapeAdder | 2008/08/08

Cool, you will get your life one track once you can concentrate without feeling the stress. Be careful of drinking on the meds though - its not a good idea at all. Its quite amazing how much I can get done in a day now that I am not in " ping-pong out of control stressed out mode" 

Reply to CapeAdder
Posted by: custer | 2008/07/30

Thx all...
I' m now on ritalin and for the moment I feel more under control. Will have to go back to my psychiatrist for bipolar meds as he also believes I suffer from Adult ADHD &  Bipolar.
Hopefully I can get my life on track

Reply to custer
Posted by: CapeAdder | 2008/07/14

Listen, I know how you feel. This is what kept happening to me: The stress and worry gets too much and I did not know where to turn. I would then have a couple of beers that turned into a terrible binge. After much trowing up an feeling bad I would eventually feel cleansed - strange the way I always felt better after such an event. Anyway the problem was that it would piss the wife off no end when I would get blind drunk and horny, and fall asleep. This cycle continued until I got so depressed that I couldn't cope any more. I went to my GP and he sent me to a Psychiatrist. We spoke for about an hour and he prescribed stuff for depression. A week later I woke up and my world was whole again - except now I had swung so far in the opposite direction that it was clear that I am totally bipolar. I went back to the shrinker who then prescribed a mood stabilizer to stop me my mood from swinging back and forth. I am not depressed any more and my mood is totally stable. I can sit down and concentrate for hours and I do not feel stressed. I still owe the bank a couple of 100K, my friendship are still in a mess and I still know what I did. The difference is that I do not stress about it - I can now lay out a plan without feeling fear and stress.

Reply to CapeAdder
Posted by: Custer | 2008/07/14

Thanks adder, now I really don't feel so alone anymore...
I'm also into IT but because I battle to keep focused even that which I love most is failing me.
I had a bad weekend, went off into the deep end once again.
Today I feel as if I just want to put myself into rehab or do something to change. I'm endangering my own life and the lives of others.

Reply to Custer
Posted by: CapeAdder | 2008/07/11

Yes, I spent 15 years programming, DBAing, project leading and mostly pissing people off. I'm now into electronics, CNC, moulding and all sorts. The problem with me (us) is that we want to do everything ourselves - because we actually can. This is not good for earning money because I end up taking the broom from the sweeper and doing it myself if she doesn't do it right. I really do not profess to have answers - my life is slowly coming together again but what I have learn't is that whether you get yourself in a knot or not - the problems still remain the same. The trick is to be able to sit down and figure out what to do, in steps, without getting scared or stressed. Maybe you should talk your problems through with a friend or advisor to get another perspective. Drinking doesn't help - in the morning you have a headache and the problems are still there. Maybe you should spend some time immersed in the tings that you enjoy.

Reply to CapeAdder
Posted by: Custer | 2008/07/09

Thanks Adder,

Makes perfect sense to me, if that makes sense at all??!
Luckily I'm not married yet, so children and the like are still far off for me. But I catch what your saying about enjoying the simpler things.
Now, just a question; Are you also classed as having a fairly high IQ?

Reply to Custer
Posted by: CapeAdder | 2008/07/08

You know that we work in a circular mental way in that we constantly shift attention until we loop back to the start. Much like round robin processing 5 tasks (Time slicing) The reason that I got into so much Fin trouble is because I would not get back to the start. I would go off on a mission each time something grabbed my attention. As stress increased this missioning got worse and worse. I woke up one day and saw that I had created hundreds of partial realities. A bit like holes punched in a single picture connected together in a spiders web. Each little peep hole held its own reality. Look, money is problematic but it is not the end of the world. I am sure that if you were to destress and slow down then you will be able to see your various realities. You are young and I can assure you many people have crashed financially (including me) - You learn to live with less and strangely you find that basic things like spending time with the kids becomes more valuable than money.

Reply to CapeAdder
Posted by: Custer | 2008/07/08

Thx all!

My sibling which is 8years my elder has bipolar, maybe I'm also stuck in an ADD/Bipolar trap. Perhaps the reason why for reasons unbeknown to me I can't be diagnosed.

Reply to Custer
Posted by: CapeAdder | 2008/07/08

I know exactly where you're at. I was there until about 2 weeks ago when I was given Cilift for depression and my mental fog suddenly cleared. I also messed up a lot of relationships and lost a lot of money - the more stress - the worse it got until I nearly snapped. It now comes out that I have aways been ADD and Bipolar and that the last 7 years was a total waste of time. Seems that I got fogged up for 7 years and now its cleared. Get rid of the stress!!!!

Reply to CapeAdder
Posted by: Jacqui | 2008/07/04

Hey Custer
Just popped in to see how you doing today. I hope today is a good one so far.
Thinking of you

Reply to Jacqui
Posted by: Custer | 2008/07/04

Thanks Jacqui, means a lot.

Reply to Custer
Posted by: Jacqui | 2008/07/03

Hey Custer
I am not an expert - I posted my own question and just happened to read yours. I am sorry you are going through so much and I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better before the ADD expert gets back to you.
Just hold on and don't give up. You say you have hurt the loved ones you "used to have without remorse" -Custer, your whole letter is filled with remorse. What is happening to you seems beyond your control medically, not because you are a bad or unfeeling person.
Hold on babes, don't give up. You just need to be put in touch with the right people to help and it will be ok.
Thinking of you

Reply to Jacqui

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