I am a survivor and fighter of domestic violence.
My father died when I was 18 months old and my mother
remarried when I was 14 years old. By the time I was 15
years old she was dead. My stepfather
hunted her down like an animal and shot her five times in broad daylight. Two days later he was dead after being
discovered by the cops and he shot himself like the coward he was.
My sister and I had to go and live with my maternal
grandparents which in itself was a challenge due to the age difference and
because our grandparents didn’t understand the impact of this on us.
I had to go for therapy at the request of my school
headmaster, as he noticed the almost deliberate change. I did a full 360 in terms of my behaviour,
needs, attitude and approach to others and the world. Many of them not the best of decisions or
choices but for the most part hung on to the values and morals I was taught by
my mother before her death. My mom didn’t have much, but that which she had
she fought for and left him. She moved
into a bachelor flat and we were in boarding school.
That is how we lived and we were very happy.
I had my mom and she loved us dearly, deeply and profoundly. It was evident in what she taught us growing
up. Fight for what you want and never look
anyone else in the eye for anything that you want or have. Do it on your own because you can. That way noone can every take anything away
A long journey
Now, I am a 35 year old mother of a 13 year old boy, and
I’ve come a long way to be where I am today.
I’ve had to fight for every little thing I’ve accomplished and all the
while doing this without the luxury of going to varsity. I went straight into work after school and
studied through college in my spare time.
There are many times when I miss her, in the flesh but mostly to have
experienced the expression on her face when I found out I was pregnant, or when
I got married, or when I got my heart broken for the first time, or when I had
my son, or when I got my first job, or when I got fired from my job, or when I
got divorced, or when I bought my house, or when I bought my first car or even
just for my son to experience her and her attitude towards life. My mother was just amazing. Never swore a day in her life and always gave
of herself to others and put their needs above her own.
My mother was my world and she did everything she could to
protect my sister and I and herself from this monster of a man, but he wanted
her dead and that, we didn’t have control over.
So alas, my point ladies is this, “If it’s important to you,
you will make a plan. If it’s not, you’ll
make excuses!” If not for yourself, do
it for your children. They will when
they’re older acknowledge your strength and that will be a tool they will use
for the rest of their lives when faced with a
Don’t be selfish and think of why you can’t do this or that
to get away / out of the situation. Just
do it!! Your kids deserve and need you in their lives for as long as possible.
You can do it!