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Man, what do they mean? A teenager's guide to parentspeak:
| What parents say | What they really mean |
| Are you going to go out wearing that? | Not if I can help it, you won't |
| How was school today? | Managed to stay out of trouble for another day? |
| Go and clean your room | We need to talk about you, so disappear. |
| Got any homework? | Must you slouch in front of the TV like that? |
| Please be polite to your cousin today | Remember last time you disappeared when they were here and you got grounded for a week? |
| Who is this boy who has phoned twice? | We would actually like his full credentials from his last report to his grandmother's inside leg measurement. |
| I really like your friend John | I really don't like your friend Peter. |
| We got a call from the school today | Where were you on Monday? |
| You won't ever do drugs will you? | We lie awake at night about it. |
| Please write to Gran to say thanks for the green jumper | We know it was really hideous and too small by far, but we can do without her having a reason to get at us. |
| How was the camp? | Did you ever sleep or wash? |
| Why don't you go to the movies with Cheryl again? | We worry about you if your social life goes quiet. |
| Will there be adults at the party? | Do you really expect us to sleep before you're back here again? |
| Shouldn't you be studying for exams now? | You should be studying for exams now. |
| When you're older, you'll understand | Life is difficult. We are older and we still don't understand. |
| Do you really think that looks nice? | We think it's hideous. |
| Do you think money grows on trees? | Get a part-time job |
| Shouldn't your school report have been here already? | What did you do with it? |
| Be nice to your brother | Do you know how objectionable you were when you were three? One more fight and we'll go crazy. |
| Whose turn is it to do the dishes? | It's your turn to do the dishes. |
| You paid what for that CD? | The lawnmower makes a more pleasing sound. |
| One day, when you have left home.. | The mere thought of not having you here makes my stomach churn |
(Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated June 2010)
