Updated 05 June 2013

Dumped! So what now?

There is a big difference between being dumped after ten years or after three days of furious flirting. So how does one deal with being dumped?


Right, there is a big difference between being dumped after a ten-year relationship and being shown the door after flirting in top gear for three days. So how does one deal with being dumped?

Feel sorry for yourself. Indulge yourself a little. Mope, cry, watch TV and eat takeaway pizzas for a day or two. Not more – that's getting to the point of self-indulgence and it's not pretty to look at.

Get some perspective. The world is not going to end, because someone you fancied for 48 hours doesn't fancy you. You tried, it didn't work, move on. There will be others.

Don't assume there's something wrong with you. Too many people think they are somehow at fault when the object of their desire doesn't fancy them. Maybe that person is into brunettes, in love with someone else, gay, straight, bruised from a previous relationship or just into doing the friends thing. If they can't see how charming you are, maybe they don't deserve you!

Carry on trying. Don't be put off by this one skirmish. Let's face it, you were trying your luck, it didn't work, and now it's time to try again with someone else. If people let themselves be put off by single flirting sessions that didn't work out, the human race would have died out a long time ago.

Phone a friend for a good laugh. Sharing your experience with someone else may allow you to see the funny side of it.

Don't turn a molehill into a mountain. Don't catastrophise the experience. If you give it too much airtime in your mind, you can change something small into a major trauma.

Check your radar. Ask yourself whether you were persisting in the face of certain defeat – why were you reading the signs wrongly? Were there mixed messages or were you deluding yourself?

Were you flirting out of your league? If you could do with some effort in the weight department or you've been online for the whole summer and look a bit like a cave worm and you made a play for the prettiest girl in the class, your chances are slim. Don't overplay your hand – you will get hurt.

Get a move on. The last thing you should do is to hang around the person who rejected you, trying to convince them of your charms. Don't phone, don't follow and avoid places they frequent for a while. Give it up as a bad job and start looking elsewhere.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24, updated June 2010)

(Picture: broken heart from Shutterstock)


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