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Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Your thoughts

My fiance told me last night that he can't kiss me cause my daughter drank water out of my water bottle and then I drank out of it too. He says that she's got germs or something and that he's become super hygenic, so he just can't bring himself to kiss me.

This hurt me so deeply! As it's not the first time he's found an excuse not to kiss me, other excuses have been that I've kissed my daughter and that I smoke.

I think that it's not a hygene issue at all because he can drink out of the same coffee cup for 2 days running without washing it, all he does is rinse it out, and I personally find that to be rather UNhygenic.

Anyway, like I said, I am deeply hurt by this. He thinks he is being reasonable and I think he is being rediculous.

We are going for couples counseling but our next session is still a couple of weeks away.

Do you think he is being reasonable?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds awfully neurotic, maybe obsessive-compulsive ? Or he has a fierce dislike of your daughter ? What makes him so sure she has her own special germs ? You're right in saying it isn't about hygiene at all, especially given his coffee-cup habits. COuples counselling sessions shouldn't be set too far apart, or the benefits of one session unravel before the next. Discuss both of these issues with yourr counsellor

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Our users say:
Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Thank you Jenny (aka Nadine) ;-)

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Jenny (aka Nadine) | 2008/07/09

I feel for you Lisa. There is nothing worse than feeling 'left out', if that's the word I can use. Just remember though that other parts of my life are not good at all. I also have my problems but after reading your posting it has made me appreciate that my husband wants to give me a kiss now and again. I hope everything goes well with you. Regards.

Reply to Jenny (aka Nadine)
Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Jenny (aka Nadine) how I wish that my fiance would feel that way. It sometimes feels as though I need to beg for his affection. I don't know the last time he has asked for a kiss or just given me one. I am the one that goes to him. It just makes me so sad and really makes me feel unwanted, undesirable and unloved.

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Jenny (aka Nadine) | 2008/07/09

When you have to start brushing teeth in order to get a kiss and that sort of thing then thats not a good thing. You need to be comfortable with your partner in your daily life. My husband gets annoyed when he wants to kiss me and I turn my face because I worry about my smokey breath. He feels offended and I tell him that my breath smells of smoke and I dont want it to turn him off but he says it doesn't matter he still wants a kiss. I love my husbands children from his 1st marriage like they are my own and don't let anybody pick on them because my claws come out - maybe your husband has issues. Counselling is good thing but other than that I don't have any good advice Lisa.

Reply to Jenny (aka Nadine)
Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Sg, you are most definitely correct in saying that it has to do with my daughter. I know it does. But he is now trying to make it sound as though it isn't.

I will definitely bring this up with our couselor.

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: Sg | 2008/07/09

Sex once or three times a week is not the issue here even though that sounds pretty average to me.However,his "concerns" are unfounded and petty to say the least.It sounds to me that he has an issue with your daughter and this should be monitored.
I suggest you heed Cs's advice.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Good point T

ANAM, my daughter doesn't live with me. She lives with her father and I know that she is an emotionally very strong and well adjusted little girl. She doesn't really know what's going on behind the scences.

Generally I've been very considerate of his feelings. I'd brush my teeth so that I can get a kiss but this is really getting too much!!

I've cut down on my smoking but this morning I just decided, What's the point? I enjoy smoking (i know its bad for my health but I do enjoy it and never actually wanted to cut down) anyway, I decided that since he doesn't want to kiss me what's the use of being so conscious of how many cigirettes I smoke per day.

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: a-non-a-muisie | 2008/07/09

germs are germs? surely regardless of you or your daughter's germs?

How do you get emotionally close to a guy who pushes you away?

How must your daughter feel?

I don't have an answer for you except that you could tell him to get help or get out because you cannot live like this.

Reply to a-non-a-muisie
Posted by: T | 2008/07/09

OMW! he himself has millions of germs in his mouth! sheesh...lame excuse

Reply to T
Posted by: Lisa | 2008/07/09

Well this month has been bad in the s*x department but that was mainly cause we were both not feeling well. He did mention last night that it's a good idea that we get emotionally closer again, before having s*x again. He's never been all that interested in s*x and reckons 2-3 times a week is enough. lately it's been once a week though.

As for the food story, he does have his own cutlery and mugs that no one else is allowed to use. But I believe this is related to my daughter as he doesn't want to get her germs.

Reply to Lisa
Posted by: a-non-a-muisie | 2008/07/09

does he have s*x with you?

Reason being if he can't kiss you, then he shouldnt expect to do other intimate things with you....just my opinion

or eat the food you cook or or or?

Reply to a-non-a-muisie

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