Posted by: Steve | 2007/05/31

Your opinion?

After yesterday's session, I think it is clear that we should end our marriage. However....

I don't want to let her go yet, because of medical reasons. Also, she has a temp job, and chances are that she will not be employed permanently, if only because of the pregnancy (I know that they may not discriminate against this, but it still happens). I feel that I cannot let her move out unless I know that she will be able to live independently and provide for our child.

The other reason I don't want her to move out as well is that I want to have some time to bond with the child. I don't want this child to grow up loving another man more than he/she loves me. I want to be his/her dad. And It takes time, the only time I have to really bond with the child is after birth - where it automatically has a good bond with its mother, the father/child bond can only develop then.

However, she doesn't want me to see, meet or speak to other men romantically at all in this time. So, for this time I must be completely straight. Although she doesn't have any issues with me meeting new friends, I may not speak romantically with anyone, send sms' or chat with anyone in a lovable, romantic way, except for her.

Do you guys think that her request is fair? In order for me to build a bond with my child I have to be straight for a fixed period of time, that is untill she moves out..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi again Steve and thanks for this post - good to hear from you again.

I'm not always sure whose interests you're taking up - your child's, your wife's, your own? My sense is that, on many levels, you're acting very responsibly.

On another level I urge you very strongly to gain legal advice - personally (I'm a counsellor, not a lawyer) I think ex-wife's expectations are very unfair. And probably stupid. Your rights as a father are recognized by law, irrespective of her feelings. This situation sounds totally ridiculous - please get legal advice.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/05/31


You have difficult times past and present, you are who you are and that is not going to change.

Ok, so why stalling?

I can do this BUT because of that I am going to ..........

I want this BUT she is and therefore I have to ..........

She would like this BUT I want that so now .........

She is pregnant and I am the dad (so what, you will always be the dad) ......

Child must not love another man more then .... HUH?, that is a little shelfish Steve. One day (if she is straight) she will love another man, her husband more that you can imagine.

Steve, I have good intentions here, stop hurting yourself, and those you care for.

Let her go and allow her to let you go. It doesnt mean stop loving or caring BUT (I too have a BUT) love each other for who you are not who any one of you must pretend to be.

Your child will love you if you allow him/her to, regardless.


Reply to Nikki
Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/05/31

Hi Steve,

I cant say what is fair or what is not... just remeber when you have to suppress who you are, you are going to have to find another way to let of steam or you just might resent what is happening (ok just my opinion cause that is 99% what i would do) which will influence your relationship with your wife (ex-) or even your child...

Its hard but i and hopefully she can see that you are trying to fulfill your role as father and loving and caring companion/friend...

All the best and remember that even in the most violent storm there is a spot of quiet and peace, i hope you can find it unlike i did...

Stax of hugs and love


Reply to Chameleon_boy

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