Posted by: Shazz | 2008/05/26

Your input please?

Normally I would post this question to the Sexologist, but for this one I think I need a shrink's input.

I was a bad bad girl this weekend.

You see, it's been almost six months since I was last intimate and, this weekend, I just couldn't take it anymore. Sooooo I convinced a good friend to join me for a romp.

Problem is, he seemed to have suffered from stagefright cause, try as he might, nothing would happen for him.

He's been attracted to me for a while so I just don't understand why his body wouldn't play along. He had had some whiskey but doesn't alcohol normally help things along? I don't want to even go to blaming myself. Please tell me what you think could have been the problem?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Stagefright indeed happens, maybe especially in the nicest people. And it was nobody's fault if things didn't work out spectacularly. Even Shakespeare pointed out that alcohol may increase the desire, but impairs the performance. In Britain, where excess beer is a common cause of the problem, it even gets called Brewer's Droop. And I suspect that the very fact that you are really good friends may have been understandably inhibiting. Neither you nor he should be blamed ( he could be feeling rather mortified right now ) so don't let this spoil a good friendship, which is probably worth a lot more in the long run, than a romp

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Our users say:
Posted by: Phil | 2008/05/28

Shame boy, thought you had your last reply? Guess I was so spot

Reply to Phil
Posted by: John | 2008/05/28

Phil, fukc you, too.

Reply to John
Posted by: Phil | 2008/05/28

Just as I thought, the condemnations from the people with sexuall issues. John, you aren't worth my time. You play with words to try and hide your weakness. Shame boy..
Shazz, there you have it. People that choose to be single are not allowed to have sex, that is a sin. To have sex you need to be in a relationship, in your case a casuall friendship....also a relationship I would say? some might say you are not allowed to have sex with someone if you are not married, so Shazz. all these people that replied have sinned and slept around because of the many relationships they have been in. Besides the ones that couldn't find anyone to be in a relationship with, they will condemn you the most. Perceptions, some idiots believe that their perceptions are always right.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: James | 2008/05/27

I agree 100% with John. Why on earth would a shrink encourage a patient to sleep around? I think that shrink needs their head read.

How would that make you feel better? Surely moving from one meanlingless relationship to the next will not help build your self-esteem? It will keep you going back to the shrink, I'll bet.

If you thought more of yourself, you would be saving yourself for someone who is worth it.

I haven't been intimate for 2 years (I've been offered quickies from 3 women) - but met someone worthwhile 2 weeks ago. Trust me - save it for a loving relationship, than a quick thrill.

Pick yourself up out of the gutter.................

Reply to James
Posted by: Gracie | 2008/05/27

Well said JEAN! I could not have said it better!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Jean | 2008/05/27

True - nothing happened FOR you, but several things happened TO you. You still don't get it, I see.

As a woman, and I am sure that most would agree, I see sex as a function of a loving relationship. Those females that see it as an itch that needs scratching are women with easy virtues.

Reply to Jean
Posted by: Shazz | 2008/05/27

At the end of the day ABSOLUTELY NOTHING happened for me the weekend. So I will ascribe John's bickering to venting his own frustrations.

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: David | 2008/05/27

In complete aggreement John and very well said.

Reply to David
Posted by: John | 2008/05/27

Slr and Phil - I see that in an attempt to join the debate you have resorted to school playground name calling. Actually, thats about right for your moral maturity as you support the immoral behaviour embraced by Shazz?

Slr, I expected better than from you. True colours, I suppose, but you and Phil are entitled to your opinions.

Regardless of your name-calling, Shazz is still wrong to seek sex pity sex form sundry friends. And you encourage her - no wonder she feels worthless if this is how she values herself. I note that there are no women supporting Shaggz - like I said, she will have an ever-growing circle of male friends who agree with the concept of friends with benefits. Shazz, meet your new friends - fine bunch, arent they?

This is my last posting on this so, please feel free to have the last word over and over again, without fear of reprisal or response.

Reply to John
Posted by: Phil | 2008/05/27

John, you are an asshole... nothing more and nothing less..
Shazz, sometimes alcohol can have that affect and sometimes performance anxiety can do the same. I think it is the latter.. As far as what and why you are doing it, absolutely nothing wrong with it. Consenting adults, play safe with someone you know...HAVE FUN! Why the hell not!

Reply to Phil
Posted by: slr | 2008/05/27

so Shazz is a slut and John is a holier-than-thou arsehole.

I don't think the one is worse, or more sinful, than the other.

What's the matter John? Monogamously married but oh-so-bored with your fat wife??

Reply to slr
Posted by: John | 2008/05/27

Actually, I am amazed, truly amazed: I have always wondered about the point of the fable regarding the emperor's new clothes and I now I finally understand it. Everybody is focussing on why her friend could not achieve an erection and everyone misses the point about the shallowness and superficiality of such a meaningless and degrading act? I'm willing to bet good money that the minute he left, he had an erection that could supprot a sopping wet winter blanket if it was hung off it. Erections, being involuntry as they are, are reasonable accurate barometers about the sexual attraction between two people (barring pscyh and physical problems, of course). So we are all expected to deliberate the fact that he could not get it up - surprise, surprise - and miss the point of the abuse of the friendship, the debasement of the morals and the absence of any feeling of genuine love? This is what is more commonly known as PITY SEX. Shaggz, I am not making you feel worthless: YOU are doing that all on your own. The flexibility of your morals (the 'I need it from anyone') belies the sincerity of love and the act is completely and totaly bereft of any moral justification.

You say your shrink advises you to have meaningless sex and ask your friends for Pity Sex? I say you should change your shrink and let him/her have their moral compass fixed - your sense of worthlessness is not going to improve when your friends are unable to get it up for you.

So you had a unhappy childhood. Welcome to the club. Boo hoo hoo - you are surely not using your unhappy childhood to justify sleeping around? You are a rational person and if you continue to absolve yourself of responsibility for your own immoral actions, then you have a looooong way to go in your shrinkage. Which will make your ever-growing and ever-changing circle of male friends happy.

And if you are seeking approval for making yourself available for Pity Sex from your male friends, then you won't get approval or applause from me. If you are not able to see my comments as helping you and shaking you out of your fog of moral myopia, then thats too bad. And Anon, the emporer is not wearing new clothes at all - he's naked.

Reply to John
Posted by: Anon | 2008/05/26

Really John, what the people always have to judge!!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Shazz | 2008/05/26

Sorry, David, but my previous reply was meant for John not you.

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: Shazz | 2008/05/26

David, most of us who suffer from depression became that way because of events that happened to us out of our control.

I'm seeking help by means of my psychiatrist, Cybershrink and antidepressants.

I grew up with emotionally-absent parents, a father who was a raving alcoholic who tried to blame me for our family breaking down when I pleaded with him to stop drinking and seek help. He was also verbally abusive to the extreme and even made a whip for me and my siblings for when the alcohol took control.

If you can't contribute positively to those seeking help and you only want to break people down, rather don't reply to those messages.

It's because of people like you that I developed low self-esteem and body-issues. People who concentrate on the negative and want people to feel worse about themselves than they are making themselves feel.

Ps. I do it about once a year and will not allow an idiot like you to make me feel like a slut. In fact, my shrink has just told me that, in order to maintain a balanced life, sex HAS to form part of the whole: along with emotional well-being, financial stability and all the rest.

Reply to Shazz
Posted by: John | 2008/05/26

How infantile. Your need for intimacy, which you light-heartedly call a 'romp' (like most people, I spell it with two p's - pomp), was a meaningless act of desireless sex that aspired to the low heights of playful and harmless exchange of bodily fluids. Your complete lack of respect for your own body, that you would share it and offer it so cheaply, says much about your worldview. The weekend's catastrophe need not worry you too much, as I am sure you have other male friends to work through that you could romp with, and still maintain an imaginary sense of dignity, and fictional honour. Behind your back, you have become the subject of nudges, raised eyebrows and whispered sniggers. How little you think of yourself, how low your self-esteem must be.

Reply to John
Posted by: Maria | 2008/05/26

Alcohol can indeed inhibit performance, or perhaps he just didn't really feel comfortable with the idea?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: David | 2008/05/26

Well I think you've said it for yourself....he is JUST a good friend and nothing more and he obviously only see you in that light.

Reply to David

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