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Question
Posted by: Curious | 2005/12/01

Would you get married?

Hello everyone, I'm just curious here: In the the light of todays ruling, I'm wondering how many of us are keen to get married?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Curious and thanks for posting.

Interesting question and I'm also curious to hear how ppl feel about this. I don't think many ppl are aware of the benefits of being legally married - the ability to open a joint bank account or having access to your partner if they're in intensive care in a hospital, for example. We can't be legally married for a while anyway - the court has given the government a year in which to amend the Marriage Act and nothing can happen until then. Maybe this gives you a chance to collect your trousseau…

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Our users say:
Posted by: Cpl | 2005/12/03

Without a doubt we'll get married but not in a church - we want nothing to do with The Church after what it has done to gay ppl for so many years - our getting married will have NOTHING to do with The Church or a wedding. Marriage yes, wedding no!

Reply to Cpl
Posted by: Kyle | 2005/12/02

Nah.... all my straight friends complain that the sex dies soon after marriage :)

Reply to Kyle
Posted by: Carol | 2005/12/02

Haven't had a chance to think about it yet, it still seems like a dream. Not something to be taken too lightly. Go well everyone.

Reply to Carol
Posted by: Lesley | 2005/12/02

I'd appreciate having my relationship being taken seriously for a change, like straights' marriages are. So yes I reckon I would, a year from now we'll have been together for just over 4 years and I want us to be together for ever.

Reply to Lesley
Posted by: Tim | 2005/12/02

Sure I'll marry my partner, if he agrees - I haven't popped the question yet but I seriously love him and for me it would be a wonderful step to take, we've lived as second-class people all these years and I'd love to being our relationship into the open in a way that is equal to straights. I think we deserve it.

Reply to Tim
Posted by: Brad | 2005/12/02

Does this mean I'll have a Mother-in-Law?

Reply to Brad
Posted by: Mz Candy | 2005/12/02

Couples must get married out of love and full understanding of the vows they want to exchange. Making promises is a big step and could get messy if not done properly. Gay couples like heteros are all the same. Two people need to love and respect one another enough to be happy together.

Deciding on surnames should be the same as hetero couples do. Don't make a big fuss about this, just enjoy one another and let things happen as they ought to. Relax and be happy.

Lastly, don't worry about what people say about you or/and your relationship or your partner or whatever the case may be. You're in this lifetime to experience life and not to live for someone else. We all have our issues to worry about. Stop concerning yourself with people's perceptions of you. If you're a respectful person, you'll receive appropriate responses from other people.

Have a fab weekend.

Later...

Reply to Mz Candy
Posted by: T. | 2005/12/02

:) LOL out Nikki - we'll cross that bridge when we get to it :)

Reply to T.
Posted by: NIkki | 2005/12/02

At times like this, reading posting like this, I just KNOW i am in the RIGHT PLACE ......... :) xxxxxxxx hugzzzz to U ALL

Yes I would get married if I find the person who wants to share his life with me like I would want to share mine with him.

WOW ... changing names?? Never thought of that till NOW???
I suppose if A.All marries B.Bee then they could share surnames for example A.All-Bee married to B.All-Bee or A.Bee-All married to B.Bee-All ??



Reply to NIkki
Posted by: Angelina | 2005/12/02

After reading everyones letters i also have the same question Tiara asked about the surnames. how will it work if two lesbians are not the butch and fem tipes so who's surname will they take? and yes i agree with nikki at the fullest that i know the straight people out there that is against us getting married would just love to see us fail in the thing we as gay people fighted for so hard and long. There will be gay people getting married for the wrong reasons just like straight people but the straight people will not see it in that way. I know a few straight people that would say "that their relationship did not work out because it is not right in the eyes of God". We as the Gay comunity should stand together and get married for the right reason and stand up and show the world that we will make this thing work and that we to want to get married for love and security. There is so many questions still and i just want to see the first gay couple getting married and it being legal because then i will believe it.

Reply to Angelina
Posted by: Coleen | 2005/12/02

Hi everyone, and Hi Anon, just crious after reading your message - don't you think your relationship is already special? I'm not sure how getting married would make it more special than it already is. Have a good weekend everyone!

Reply to Coleen
Posted by: Tiara | 2005/12/02

Just wondering how it'll work in terms of surnames - will there be an option to use your partner's surname, like straights do?

Reply to Tiara
Posted by: Anon. | 2005/12/02

I bet we'll see gay lawyers advertising divorce services and gay counsellors doing divorce counselling. Honeymoons advertised for LGBT newly-weds.

I'd like to marry my partner, for many reasons but mostly because I want us both and everyone else, the whole world, to know that our relationship is really special.

Reply to Anon.
Posted by: P. | 2005/12/02

There'll be many reasons why people will marry - a straight friend of mine got married recently as a way to get out of her parents' control, and a while back another friend got married just because she was scared she'd lose her boyfriend.

Reply to P.
Posted by: Brett | 2005/12/02

Hi Nikki, I agree with you that love should be the main factor but marriage doesn't increase the love in a relationship not does it ensure that the love will last. Look at the divorce rate for straight couples - and they married (one hopes) for love. You're also right about the responsibilities that go along with marriage and maybe many people forget about about this - they're carried away by notions of romance. Would you get married Nikki? I'm in a 4-year relationship and love my partner but not sure about marriage.

And another thing - are we also going to get engaged, like straights? :)

Reply to Brett
Posted by: Nikki | 2005/12/02

Hi Glen

I never thought we were any different from hetero-cpls and I suppose in that case we will marry like any hetero's have been doing for whatever reason but hopefully first for LOVE. ;)

As is normal there will be divorces too I suppose. Main thing is that NOW our marriages will be legal and with it we will at last enjoy the benefits of this "institution" from a legal point of view.

I think we need to remember the serious commitment and vows that marriage is all about and not turn it into a mockery purely for the "legal" benefits. After all those against us would like to see us "abuse" it and thus add more fuel to their "miserable" fire.

Reply to Nikki
Posted by: Angelina | 2005/12/02

I would want to get married but like kirby i think i would do it in court and have a party afterwards. But in mosselbay it is still very uptight so i do not know if someone will even consider doing it for us. Even with the ruling to allow gay couples to get married we will never really win because people just don't want to leave people like us alone. They want to judge but they don't like being judged. I still will honour and salute those 2 woman who went out and did this for us so we can get the benefits of married people. Guyus if you have not yet go and watch the movie " if walls could talk 2" because that movie always made me think. The movie is split into 3 scenes and the 1st scene shook my world wide open because then i realized for the first time that if i should die or my partner what right would she have on me and our things and visa versa. And if a person is i hi care only relatives are allowed so what would we do then. T

Reply to Angelina
Posted by: Angelina | 2005/12/02

I would want to get married but like kirby i think i would do it in court and have a party afterwards. But in mosselbay it is still very uptight so i do not know if someone will even consider doing it for us. Even with the ruling to allow gay couples to get married we will never really win because people just don't want to leave people like us alone. They want to judge but they don't like being judged. I still will honour and salute those 2 woman who went out and did this for us so we can get the benefits of married people. Guyus if you have not yet go and watch the movie " if walls could talk 2" because that movie always made me think. The movie is split into 3 scenes and the 1st scene shook my world wide open because then i realized for the first time that if i should die or my partner what right would she have on me and our things and visa versa. And if a person is i hi care only relatives are allowed so what would we do then. T

Reply to Angelina
Posted by: Fem | 2005/12/02

No I wouldnt get married, it would have to be someone truly special at the end of the day, So many marrieages dont work as it is in this day & age so I would really have to consider it very carefully because it is a big thing and many take it for granted....

Reply to Fem
Posted by: Kirby | 2005/12/02

Yes, I will get married not just because I luv my g/f but for her to be part of my perks (pension, medical aid). I think we would actually get married in "court" and then celebrate afterwords with a couple of friends. I surpose it will be the talk of the town where I work but I will face them as we have been waiting for this for years. Bear in mind we are together for 26 yrs and its still going strong!

Reply to Kirby

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