Posted by: Bella | 2013/02/05

Would you be able to raise the ‘ other woman’ s’  child?

Raising the mistress''s child
By Masanda Peter

People go through many challenges in life and some are quite shocking. When a man and a woman are married one expects that union to be sacred and that the partners will be faithful to one another. At one point this was not the case for the Nkala union. The man of the house cheated and fathered a child outside the marriage with another woman. To my surprise the wife has forgiven her husband and also took things a step further and accepted the " illegitimate"  child as her own and the child came to stay with them as a family!

It’ s complicated

She has her own kids and they blended as a family, her biological kids are quite young and they are not challenged by having a sister that " came out of the blue" . Mrs Nkala says that she had a few choices  to leave her husband and have the family destroyed or think of her family and what the divorce could do to her family should she leave her husband. She did not want her family to suffer because of a loose woman who got into an affair with her husband while she was fully aware that he was married. To make matters worse, the mistress was not able to take care of this child financially and the wife was determined to give the child a better life because the child found herself in this situation and she was not to blame her for it. She then decided to make her one of her own.

It’ s in days like these that I really see the power of forgiveness and love. Some people decide to do what is best for them no matter what other people say or how much they judge:

" I am used to people''s jaws dropping when I tell them of my decision but I know what I am doing and why I am doing this. I love my family and know that I had to put their wellbeing before mine and I am fine with that" , or,

" My husband and I have talked about this and gone for counselling and it was a matter of letting go of my husband for a one night stand compared to years and years of investment into my family well being" .

Make an arrangement which works for you

With regards to loving the child Mrs. Nkala says that she loves her as her own children. As if she was her child, she is not treated differently because of her mother''s sins. The child calls her " mama"  and that works for her. Certain family members were against this child staying with her saying that Mrs. Nkala was stupid but they soon saw how much she loved the child and they had no choice but to accept the child as she is part of the family. She even told the mistress that she was welcome to see the child anytime she wanted to because at the end of the day she is the biological mother.

What helped in the situation was to see how remorseful her husband was and did everything in his power to show how sorry he was. They are now rebuilding the trust and raising the child together. She says that she cannot advise other wives to do or not do what she did, it all depends on the person and how they feel.

Now that is what I call the power of forgiveness.

Would you be able to raise your partner’ s illegitimate child?

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Our users say:
Posted by: I | 2013/02/06

I''m sorry. In as much as I would like to see good in her deed, I still see her doing it for her own selfish reasons. By taking the child she''s ring fencing her territory, man and family finances. By so doing, she manages to buy favour in her husband''s eye and the bonus is no babymama drama in her life. In actual fact, the perceived act of kindness is realistically self serving. Call me a pessimist if you like, but she''s conniving. Not so long ago I was greatly disturbed by a post on the Step Parenting Forum where the majority of step parents boldly admitted to not loving step children but merely caring for them. If I''m wrong, she would be one in a million.

Reply to I
Posted by: Me | 2013/02/06

Wow, stories like this. Shows that there are still good people in this world. Mrs Nkala may GODs power and favour be upon you and your family. You are truly a child of GOD.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Bless U | 2013/02/05

Mrs Nkala this world would be a better place if all women were to be like you.

May God bless you Madam. One day that child will know the truth and she will thank you for a job well done. I salute you.

Reply to Bless U
Posted by: Mimi | 2013/02/05

Jan neh, its a tough one. i take my hat off for her especially becoz this is something I am not sure I would be able to handle. But then again, when u just imagine somthing, and it has not actually happened to you, it is difficult to imagine how you would react if it were to happen.
For now, I always say that I would never accept that and I would rather leave, but reality is would you leave your marriage of 15 or so years becoz of a " mistake"  that your husband made? Tough one I say.
I have a colleague, whose hubby had a child whilst they were married. The mother of the child " dumped"  the child in their home when she was 3 months old. My colleague is the one who had to take leave from work when the child is sick. I was so touched one day when I saw her in the morning, having asked another Colleague to take her to the doctor (as she did not have a car) becoz the child was sick. I still consider her as much bigger than me in that regard. I mean I would not be able to put my life aside, whilst this so called hubby of mine and his floozy are at their workplaces and I had to run around becoz of a product of their one night stand. How do you even get past the fact that the child is a product of betrayal?

Reply to Mimi
Posted by: lala | 2013/02/05

oh hell no

Reply to lala

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