Posted by: anon | 2009/01/19

worried bout hubby

need of some advise , hubby and i have sex bout once twice month, he is 29, most of the time he doesnt want to have sex because he says that he feels extremely exhausted afterwards and still feels that way the next day that is why he doesnt want to be intimate during the week. we have had numerous fights his lack of interest, now i am wondering if he does have a problem or if this is usual for a man to fatigued so much that he aviod having sex often, or this jsut an excuse for something else that is going on, i am really concerned as we have only been married for 2 years now

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

it is a common myth that sex can exhaust your senses/mind/body. Sex is variable and can either be as simple (and least exhausting - mutual masturbation) or extend to heavy penetration (more energy required). Hence, his excuse regarding tiredness is not valid and may reflect deeper problems. Owing to the fact that you have already had several fights regarding this, the next step should be a relationship counsellor / therapist that will be able to assist you further. Good luck!

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: BEN | 2009/01/20

I get sad on your behalf because sex(making love) is the most wonderfull thing between a man and a women.In this way I can express myself the best and the feeling is wonderfull.It does not matter how tired I am when it comes to love making I always give my best because its the most special thing in my relationship.Get someone that apreciate you and someone that wants to do it with you every single night not because of the sex but because you are special to him.

Reply to BEN
Posted by: Sex Pot | 2009/01/19

Hi there Anon  Firstly let hubby have a complete med. check + make sure his blood pres. blood sugar levels r ok. There r also other med. things that affect a man' s libido, even medication, the amount he smokes, amount of alcohol he uses. Stress is a big libido killer. Ask me I know. went through the same thing years ago + it was a comb. of work related stress + high bp (brought on by the stress) Sex is a very good de-stress therapy. I had 2 learn the art of seduction  ie long warm baths together, sensual massage, wearing sexy lingerie ect. I was NOT prepared 2 let our sex life go down the tubes. After a long sensual evening of lovemaking hubby would be so relaxed + his bp. would b normal. Weekends away at a warm spa also do wonders. U guys r still young + a man of 29 is normally at the prime of his sex life. When this happened to us we were well into our late 40' s. Check also on his work situation. In todays corporate world it' s all about performance which leads 2 stress which leads 2 high bp + even depression. Most of 2day' s senior management put their staff under this pressure + they dont give a damb about the consequences. Very often the marriage suffers + ultimately the whole family too. There is definately some underlying factor because he is too young 2 loose interest like that. Good luck regards.

Reply to Sex Pot
Posted by: Me | 2009/01/19

Gosh - I was gonna post the exact thing on Friday! Me and my hubby of 5 years have only had sex once so far this month! I get very frustrated, hurt and rejected when he turns me down all the time. I spoke to him about it just yesterday and I also admitted how insecure I am feeling because it makes me think he is seeing or interested in someone else or that there is something wrong in our marriage. I think that' s why I have been trying so hard to get him to have sex with me and the more he rejects me the worse I feel and the more I want to convince him to have sex with me - it' s like a vicious cycle!!!!

But he turned around and said that I must wait till he " calls"  me because it is all about sex for him and that he loves me very much - I think the more we demand it, the more they don' t want it - maybe a male control thing with some men... I don' t know

But I know that he loves me and isn' t seeing anyone else because he works from home and takes care of our child during the day too - so his day is very, very busy... his work keeps him very busy and if he wasn' t working he wouldn' t be earning, so I can measure how busy he has been by how much he has brought in at the end of every week and I can see how many quotes he' s been doing etc....

So maybe you just in the same boat as me - tired, stressed hubby who doesn' t place that much value on sex in your relationship as the value he places on being with you and in your company.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Zul' man | 2009/01/19

Exhaustion Yes! But is get worst if your hubby is doing stressful work like long meetings. Secondly, try to advice him to do jogging with him to boost his energy levels. Lastly, you have to let him know that sex is not about who’ s who marathon, let him know how to do it right and touches you at the correct spots so that you can release him early. Good luck!

Reply to Zul&#39 man

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